Back From the Dead -- 3.3 of Bridge to 10K

I blogged about what if felt like to not run. I am amazed at how forlorn I felt to not run, how lame and pathetic I felt. I think there is a definite difference between taking intentional time off, and taking unintentional time off.

I had no choice. These are the times I wish I had insurance. I can't get insurance because I had cancer recently and it's considered pre-existing, beyond the fact that I was denied anyway when I was expecting because I was assumed "infertile". There might be a problem with Obamacare, but there is definitely a problem with current care! Without insurance, I have learned it is impossible to find a general practitioner who will take you as a new patient, and mine retired.

I definitely needed medical attention. Every step I took it felt as though the top of my femur had a knife attached to it. It was right in the ball and socket, not running down my leg, or in my groin like all tendon and muscular injuries. Both hips hurt at one point, but I discovered that to be the abductor, and I did exercises to relieve the pain, and bring healing. The knife pain continued throughout these last two weeks. It was literally, crippling. I would be walking like normal, and then something would happen, shooting the pain into my being. If caught unaware, I would cry out, but often I would bite my lip, close my eyes, and keep trying to walk, tough and strong and drama-free.

It got better, and then it got worse, then better again. Three days ago I had a day of no pain. I could have cried with relief. Two days ago I had one episode of alarming pain, but it passed quickly. Yesterday I felt strong and capable.

I missed running so much, and did not feel like giving up. I went to bed last night deciding today would be the day. I would do what I can, and at any moment of alarm, I was prepared to stop.

I set off at a slower pace. The entire run was a slower pace. Apparently my feet had been dipped in cement. It felt good to be out there, but I was out there to be moving, not to break personal records. The first mile I felt some dull pain at my injury point, but I don't think I would have noticed it, had I not been looking for it. I continued to run. I ran, and ran, and ran. At the halfway point I knew I could do it. At the last lap, I knew I could do it. At the five minute warning, I knew I was doing it. I fought the entire way.

I noticed my running, and what my feet do when I run. They absolutely over-pronate. I end up doing this weird ankle rotating thing to make up for it. I could see how actual, correct running shoes would help prevent injury, and I look forward to be able to purchase some in 4 weeks! I wish it were today, but I will wait.

I ran 3.7 miles, about 1/2 mile less than I "should have", but I don't care. I am so happy to be out there again, running. It is what I do. I might be as slow as molasses, but I am happy as a clam. Peach seemed excited for me too. I'm not sure if she sensed the feeling, but she kept giving me "five" and hugging me. What an absolute thrill!

It's the Little Things

I wrote a blog earlier this week about how hard it is to not run. I haven't posted it yet. Sitting here tonight, I wonder what in the world I ought to blog about. It's not that I don't think of things to say, or have nothing I'm grateful for. I just wonder if I have any words of value.

I could tell you random things like... I forgot to put sunscreen on my two older children today at the water park. Normally they just tan anyway. Except today, apparently. I successfully won the Worst Mother August 2011 award!

Bear had a therapy appointment, and Peach and Lambie were well attended to by my friend SC. She is not afraid to watch Peach, who cries when I leave.

The Captain really struggles with being alone with Peach. (read: tears) This makes me feel a lot of things, but mainly I will focus on patience, because I know the time will come when it won't be so hard for him, and she won't "need" me like she used to. I will deal.

Summer is vanishing! The kids and I have had such a wonderful, wonderful summer. Seriously my best summer maybe.... since '94. So happy. I'm not even exaggerating. I wish I had another month, or twelve.

I read on my friends blog some simple things she is thankful for, each week. I think I would like to give it a go. With my darn hip being grouchy, and no doctor, or insurance, I really REALLY need to find a way to be joyful for the small things that keep me afloat, spiritually and mentally! My dear friend EM and I used to celebrate tiny successes, and say "It's the little things!", as in, it is the little things that make us happy, and if we focus on them, our joy will be greater.

1. Gerbera daisies are sweet, colorful happy flowers that I enjoyed planting today.

2. Watching Project Runway with friends each week is so cathartic! Not the show, per se, but the friendships and chatter.

3. I bowled over 100 Wednesday! That's pretty awesome for me!

4. My family is going to celebrate my grandpa's 90th birthday on Saturday. How I love him! I am so thankful that my older children will have tender memories of him.

5. I learned I can get student insurance for $200/mo! This is terrific! Actually, it's really really awesome!! Just in time for my next round of cancer tests - which they won't count as pre-existing since my last tests will be just over 6 months ago! So pleased!

6. It is DS and SS - my brother and sister-in-law's 10th anniversary. I'm so happy for them, that they have loved so well these years.

7. I have had a week of terrific parking spots - close, shaded... amazing. As my dad would say, "Someone's living right!"

I fell asleep while typing (who does that?), so I'm picking up where I left off.

8. I made a blueberry cheesecake for the first time in my life, and it turned out divine!

9. I've been more social, and have loved it. Good friends are awesome!

10. I was able to wear a shirt that had previously been too small. Sweet.

It's a good life....

Hitting the Streets

I hate not running.

As the days have passed since I last ran, I feel BIGGER. I feel sadder. I feel irritable. I feel as out of shape as I was four months ago. I feel like my days are passing me by that I could be improving myself. It's hard!

I'm going to try to run because this is really bothering me to stay grounded. My body feels much better. I have realized I hurt most when I am wearing heels (sad!) or carrying Peach on my hip, or other activities where my hips aren't square. I've been doing hips strengthening exercises every day, and they seem to have helped quite a bit!

So what do I do for my first run back? Pick up where I left off? Go back a week? Or just run to see how far I can go?

I need my brain back, my body back, my heart back. I am a better person when I run.

I swear I'll be careful. When my hip(s) hurt, it's so intense that I can't help but be careful. I'll let you know how it goes.

Broken Strings or 3.2 of B210K

I was dragging my feet a little, getting my run started this morning. I took my car in to the shop to be worked on for a check engine light, and I fear it left me deflated. Then we learned that The Captain's boss did not want him to bother working while his truck was out of commission. Unfortunately, his time off is unpaid. Again, deflated. Wilted. It wasn't even 9am. I got on my running clothes, and headed out, certain a good run would help my psyche.

I walked my warm up, as usual, and when it was time to run, I literally jogged three steps, and crumbled, falling to the ground. My right hip had given out, and it felt as though it wasn't even there. I felt like a marionette whose string had gotten cut. I could make it move, but it was like the hip bone wasn't talking to the leg bone.

You see, a few days ago, my hip socket started hurting. BADLY. But The Captain has a severely injured knee (remember, we have no health insurance), and I feared complaining about my hip would only make it sound like I was trying to steal his thunder. Plus, I didn't want anyone telling me I couldn't/shouldn't run. Usually when I run anyway, the pain fades, and I am strong again.

I tried to run again, and stumbled. I could not, physically, run. AT ALL. Despite my best efforts. Tears welled both from the pain and from the uncertainty of my future in running. This was serious, and scary. I knew I could walk though. So I would walk my hour, when I should have been running. I walked as fast as I could, and found myself starting to run. About 3-4 minutes into the first run, I started running. And then I would walk, and then run, and then walk.... A LOT.

My second run I ran the entire length (I am doing 3, 17 minute runs now. With a 1 minute walk break between.), and was feeling..... bad. It was bad enough I didn't even feel accomplished. The pain was coursing down my leg to the top of my foot. It was time to stop. So I walked, and walked and walked... the remaining time.

My total distance was a mere 3.25 miles, which I am fine with, considering.

After reading about what could be going on, it sounds like my hip flexor is pretty angry. So, ice, yoga, warm, yoga, ice. I'm taking good care of my poor little (haha) leg. I already feel stronger since this morning, and I hope that tomorrow will be equally healing.

Sometimes I curse that I've signed up for a Half Marathon, but truly, it keeps me wanting and yearning, and pressing on when it's hard. It keeps me focused. I need to find a way to do it because running has been so much more to me than a physical strengthening.


P.S. Bonus points for whoever can place what movie those marionettes in my picture are from. I found myself singing the song they sang, even while Gwen Stefani was playing loudly in my ears.

I Swear I've Been Running 2.2, 2.3, 3.1 of B210K

Sometimes I feel like I explain my whole life on Facebook, so I feel like there's no need to share. Except that this is really a journal of something great... My journey. I can explain myself more deeply and correctly that I can in a paragraph of summarized deep thoughts.

Let me tell you about some running experiences I've had...

Last week I ran Week 2, Day 2 of Bridge to 10K. The run was relatively uneventful. However, my GPS said I ran 3.94 miles, and I was kind of bummed! I wished I had known I was SO close to 4 miles, I would have pushed myself harder. As it was, I took two walking breaks that were unscheduled. They were brief... See, had I blogged, this would be A TON more exciting than this, which appears to be a Facebook status update. haha. Sad I've lost it, since I neglected to record it.

The rest of the week was saturated with more obstacles than were realistic for me to run the third run of the week. It was VERY frustrating. I decided I would deal, and move on to 2.3 on Monday.

Monday came and my three kids seemed eager to go out. Except I couldn't get them ready. AT ALL. hmmm... Finally we were out the door, but my timing had to be perfect because of the necessarily post-run shower, and a doctor's appointment for Lambie.

We went to the school track, because it is easiest to watch my kids from the track loop. They played a while, while I ran (wow! How often can you say "while while" and have it make sense. Funny you pronounce them differently... nerd alert, sorry.) it was relatively easy.... My kids were playing on their scooter, and ran with me here and there. They tried to play with Peach, who was in the stroller, Bear tried to hold my hand and run with me, and for the warmup wanted to listen to my iPod with me. So sweet!

Throughout the run, there were two young girls who each did a lap and vanished. It was seriously bizarre. You would think I would see them heading off some direction, but no. I thought about how "unnaturally" thin they were (know that I understand there are ectomorph body types in this world. Their thinness just led me to think...), and pondered the future of my two beautiful daughters. Would they be horribly self conscious of the ample thighs and booty they may well inherit from their mother? How hard would they try to be thin? How would I know when it's a problem? I confess I was glad when they each left so that my mind would stop worrying.

With each minute that ticked by, I was amazed with myself, but was more and more tired. My legs were starting to ache, but I pressed on. The kids started wanting a countdown of minutes. I was amazed how well this propelled me. I continued a practice I would do during Couch to 5K of dropping a clover flower every loop I go. Although my GPS was on, I still liked the verification. I'm very precise and meticulous.

My run was over, and I had just dropped my 16th clover flower. 4 miles. My GPS read 3.85 miles. This is an impossible discrepancy, isn't it? It's either 3.75 or 4... ??? I know I did 4. So there it is. I had looked forward to this day, reaching 4 miles, and it was so weird, that I was a little... let down.

The day after 2.3 I walked to the park for a picnic the congregation of my church was having. On the way back, I was pushing Peach in the stroller, and we passed a youngish new mom, pushing her stroller, wearing a super cute workout outfit, sunglasses, iPod, tank top, with coordinating hoodie strategically drooping off of one shoulder. As she saw Peach, she pointed for her distracted young son, and yelled (unaware of her volume) "BABY! LOOK! BAAAAABY!" It was a terrific site, and I had a good laugh.

I feel I'm not doing what I'm doing for looks, like she was... But then, I am. I suppose so I can be gorgeous the OTHER minutes of the day. I'll get there someday.

Run 3.1 was Wednesday of this week. I loved it. The Captain was home, waiting for his carpool to work. I got to set off on my own, a rare treat. It's always weird running without a stroller, now. Without the stroller, for some reason, it takes a long time to find my rhythm, without feeling like I'm running like Will Ferrell when he thinks he's on fire in Talledega Nights (except not nekkid). I finally caught my stride, which I need to perfect, but a stride nonetheless.

I passed a mom running with her two teen boys. You could say they "needed" to run, for the visual... I was proud of them. They did the best they could for a very long time. Each time I passed them, I told them they were doing great, and to keep going! They smiled and thanked me with each passing.

At one point I passed two ladies who must have been in their 70's. They were saying how everyone was blowing by them, directed at me. At that point, I had my one minute break to walk, so I told them that I wasn't running prior to May 1st, but decided to reclaim my body. One of them said, "You are surely doing that!" And then, "We just saunter. And we are thankful for that." I loved it. I thought about it all day. When I am 70+, sauntering might be my only option, and I want to be thankful that 1) I'm 70+, and 2) I can still move, with my wits about me. But for now, I run. And I am so thankful for the ability to do so.

My distance for 3.1 was 4.11 miles. I am bummed it wasn't further, but I am really happy with how long and far I'm going. I did the run without extra walk breaks, and I'm excited to do 3.2 on Saturday.

3 Months In! - Reporting My Physical Changes Thus Far

I just want to start by saying, choosing to only weigh and measure once per month is so good for me! I am afraid I would fixate week by week, and be much more emotional, with how slow it's going. But it's going! Whatever I'm doing is working, and that's a great feeling!

This month I had a trip to Disneyland, courtesy of my lovely sister, ES. I managed to not pig out, and wasn't really even tempted to. I was thankful! I actually counted calories, and did very well with that. I didn't do well with it the entire month though, and I'm curious if I did maintain that tenacity, if I would see better results.

One of the greatest changes I've seen are my clothes are starting to either fit better, or fit BIG on me! I was telling ES that I'm used to buying clothes because my old clothes are too small, but not the other way around! I'm not to that point yet, but I'm getting there! I noticed that my running pants that, while they weren't TIGHT when I went to Disneyland in March, they nearly were. Now the same pants are LOOSE. As in, almost too big for me, loose. Not falling off me yet though. ;) Still, what a very very very cool and foreign feeling! Bring it on!

This month I lost 4.8 pounds. I was hoping to have dropped the additional .2 pounds, so I kept getting off and getting back on the scale to see if it would drop. It maintained, so 4.8 it is. To date I have lost 16 and (almost) 1/2 pounds! That's so awesome! I would love to lose another 15 in three months! Sure, I'd love to lose 15 pounds in ONE month, but working like I am, it's taking it off and getting rid of it for good, and that's a great feeling.

Measurement-wise, my hips are down 2 inches, my waist is down 1 3/4 inches, thighs 1 1/2 inches each, and arms 1 1/4 inches each. SO HAPPY! I am becoming me!

Realizing I am now the size I was when The Captain and I were reunited almost four years ago, I am really pleased. I can see where, in the past, I would see this as a happy spot to stop and enjoy the scenery from my self-imposed plateau of happy memories. However, I am going to keep it up, and just see what happens!

The coolest change (besides completing the Couch to 5K program and moving onto Bridge to 10K) was walking by the restroom mirror today and realizing that my side thigh muscle above my knee is becoming defined! As I walk I look more muscular instead of just a mass, and I love that. Also, my arms are becoming more defined. It is amazing to see my body return to where it should be. What I am doing is right for my body, and it shows!

Let the fat burning resume!

I Had a Dream...Once --B210K 2.1

My parents live in the same city as I do. It's a big part of what brought me here. When I decided that I would start training for a 10K, I mapped out how far it was to my parents. It was not as far as 10K! Very happy. I would make running to their home part of my training. It became a dream to be able to run all the way to their house, and back.

Today I thought I would start heading that way, and see how far I would go. Basing my distance on my virtual running partner, KNBO'R's, run from yesterday, I plotted out 3.6 miles, knowing that with a new run, there were be obstacles I've never encountered before, and may not make it as far as she did, about 3.75 miles.

I have walked most of this area before, and driven the rest. I had two fears: Going under I-5 at the river's edge (there is a hidden paved path), and how steep the hill was on my return trip at a different portion that goes under I-5.

I stepped out of the house, later than I wanted, but I still did it. I discovered my app wasn't working, so I turned off the phone, turned it on, and lo and behold, the battery was near dead! My phone does this sometimes... loses battery juice and keeps it a secret... I decided I would run the 2008 cro-magnon method and use my timer. I wanted to keep my phone functional in case of emergency.

As I walked toward the first skeeeery point, the terrain went up up Up UP UUUUPPPP! Oh brother. Nice. I had forgotten since I walked it last summer. I trudged along and got through it. Going under I-5 was only moderately terrifying, but I was glad it was broad daylight. I reached the major road on the West side of I-5 and discovered...no sidewalks. Oh well, I'll play "The jogger and stroller are a bike today" game. The further north I went on this major road, the busier it got. I passed by business after business, and realized I must have gotten over my imaginary audience issue. However, I keep waiting for half of my Facebook friends to post that they saw me. That's nice.

I got to the corner of the major intersection and discovered an obstacle I didn't account for. Crosswalks with lights. UGHHHHHH... I made it work, and ran and ran and ran. I know how thankful cars are (because I usually am one) when you run THROUGH the crosswalk, rather than two steps and then walk the rest of the way. haha. I ran and ran and ran. I was amazed at the amount of exhaust, but kept going. I realized I left my inhaler at home (nice). I made it to what I knew from pre-mapping to be my halfway mark, and crossed the street again, and ran... and ran and ran. I encountered construction, but it wasn't in my way. I ran back toward the busy busy intersection with full intent to not return the way I came, but to go forward, creating a loop. Upon further plodding, I discovered the sidewalk ended. (ARGH!!!) I had to go into the bike lane. And then the bike lane HAD to move in between two lanes of traffic. Do you know what it's like sitting in the absolute middle of busy traffic with your baby in a jogging stroller, prepping to go under I-5? It's so bad. So bad.

As soon as I could, I skirted over to the side again, and discovered the bike lane was half chewed up by construction. The construction area was loose sediment, and near impossible to push a stroller through. Forget running. I pondered if it was safer to be outside the cones into traffic, or within the cones into construction. I opted for construction because they weren't close enough that I could hear their phones ringing, like I could with the traffic going by.

The dust from the construction, the exhaust, the major hills... I wasn't expecting any of it, or I greatly underestimated it. If I wanted cross country, this was surely it.

As soon as I could, I ducked into a parking lot that cut through to the major street that leads to my home. Cars did what they usually do, and poured into the parking lot, slowing quickly in alarm at the silly jogger pushing her baby. They were so courteous though, and I was thankful. This was not turning out as I had planned.

I got to the major street, which parallels I-5. So pleasant. I knew there was a bike lane there, so my plan was to bike lane and then sidewalk the entire way down the massive hill. Unfortunately a healthy portion of the bike lane was about 16 inches wide. This was not wide enough to navigate myself or my sweet baby safely enough down a hill and around blind curves. I had put us in peril and I was really upset. I decided to make my route longer, and go where I knew it'd be safe. I had driven it before. I knew my way.

And yet, I knew my way in the car, and not by foot. I snaked hither and yon, finding the way home. I was thankful to be home. I obviously went further than predetermined, and ran longer than intended. I walked more than intended too, but I ran every moment I could.

I will never do that again. Or I will do it with more precaution and planning, and a better route. I have learned that the view from the driver's seat is different from the view from your feet. I am glad there was varying terrain and I did well. My legs didn't hurt too badly despite the hills, and my breathing was consistent. Peach was awesome the whole time. And my phone didn't die. Barely.

Thursday I'm just going to keep doing the .8 mile loops at the park over and over. I'd rather not be in danger, or be an obstruction. One day I will run to my parents. It will just be earlier in the day, and on a well, preplanned route!

I welcomed the shower, and now will be welcoming a well-earned nap, in my humble opinion. I can't wait until Thursday. I will never take for granted my sleepy neighborhood again!