2 Months In! - A Summary of Results Thus Far

I have not recently read my previous month-end report, so I really have no idea what format I should write in, to maintain consistency. I suppose I'll just tell it as it is.

This has been a frustrating month, but yet, a good month. I have enjoyed becoming leaner. I have enjoyed tremendous increase in strength, stamina, confidence, and ability! I can now run almost an entire 25 minutes without walk breaks, I can do more pushups than I have done in years, and my skin is happier. Ah...clear skin... I forget how exercise helps skin!

I had the pleasant surprise of putting on my pre-pregnancy capris and finding they fit BETTER than they did two years ago. You see, last summer I was entirely postpartum, so I hadn't even tried to put them on. I confess I was nervous! Every time I was postpartum, before, and tried donning the summer clothes, they did not fit. I'm pretty pleased! Plus, it's reassuring to know I won't have to wear my jeans all summer...

So why was it frustrating? I decided I would only weigh myself once per month, but a healthy part of the way through, I decided I would weigh myself, so that I might have more incentive to continue this madness. My discovery was that after about three weeks of much more intense exercise and mindful eating, I had lost 3/10 of a pound. I was so defeated and frustrated, but, I remembered what The Captain had said which was that I'm going the right direction, and eventually it would start working for me.

I decided to weigh myself "officially" today, for my month end report. I was delightfully surprised to see a five pound weight loss! In fact, I got off of the scale, reset it, and got on again, a few times! I don't honestly know how it happened, or where it went. I anticipate those missing five pounds could be found again the next time I'm on the scale, but I surely hope not.

As far as measurements, my waist and thigh(s) are only 1/2 an inch smaller, and the rest is the same. C'est la vie. I'm feeling better about me, and that's a gift. Truly.

I have decided I'm going to monitor my diet more closely this month, to see what it will bring. Now that exercise isn't nearly as mentally hard for me, watching what I eat will not feel like I'm totally killing myself. If I'd started both at the same time, I'm certain my body would go into shock, and freak out, and I'd quit.

So, yay for 11 1/2 total pounds lost. :) Let's see what July will bring!

Motivation or Workout #6 for June

<-- Do you like the picture? It's SKEERY.

Okay, the other day I expressed my lack of motivation. I petitioned my friends for ideas for motivation, and I was given GREAT responses. I realized though that I need my own, for me. I wish I had written them down when I first thought of it, when I started exercising.

I am going to write down what comes to mind, right now:

I want to feel like I look the way I do on purpose, without an apology.
I want more energy.
I want to look fit and hot before my parts start to drift.
I want my husband to see me as I looked in the years we missed out on each other.
I want to feel like I can do things again.
I want to have a sense of accomplishment.
I want to eat ice cream guilt-free.
I want to feel awake in the morning.
I want to be able to say "I am a runner".
I love runners physique, and would like to attain that.
I want my kids to remember me as someone active rather than as a lop.
I want my immune system to thank me.
Heck, I want the illness that haunts me to not stand a chance if it returns. I want my body to be strong enough, and THAT in itself is reason enough.
I want a little time to myself, where, for a moment, I am living for myself.
I want to not want to cry when I see a picture of me.
I want to answer that "yes I exercise regularly" when asked at the doctor's office.
I want to see if that "eat right and exercise" theory really works.
I still want a shirt that says "I was NOT a runner before May 2nd, 2011." I think in order to achieve rights to wear that, I need to at least finish Couch to 5k. If not more...

I guess that's it, for now. Maybe I need to come up with more every day? Maybe what motivated me that day?

Today I did the 100 Workout. It has become boring for me after 5 weeks. I decided today that if I could do all of it, without balking or pausing, I would switch to one of my exercise videos on my time off. Unfortunately, I got rid of my favorite video because it was VHS, and I was sure I could find it on DVD. Not so!

However, my BFF LC got me Slim in 6, so I suppose I will be starting that Thursday! Last time I tried to do it, the initial days kicked my booty. We'll see if my endurance and stamina is better now that I've been running for 5 weeks!

Yes my friends, it's time for a change. Time to re-evaulate, and energize! Time to motivate! But most of all, keep on keepin' on...

1 Month In - Reporting!

Alrighty! Are you ready to learn if this month of self-inflicted torture has done any good for me?

Remember a couple of weeks ago, I gained FIVE POUNDS (it has to forever be in caps.)? Well, I lost that, and then some. I am 1.5 pounds below my original weight, or 6.5 pounds below my peak weight. Yes, I lost 6.5 pounds of FAT. Heck yes. And yet, how gross that I had that much fat on my body to lose... the thought that I have plenty more.... ew.

As far as inches... I love this part. I have seen happy results. Since I have goals with this, I'm going to give percentages. For my hips (booty), I'm 10% toward my goal. My chest (which fluctuates while I'm nursing I know) is 12.5% toward my goal. My waist is 9% toward my goal. My thighs measured larger somehow (???), and I'm 15% going the wrong direction. I'm confused, but as I've learned from this experience, it will redirect its course, and go the right way soon enough. And last, my upper arms are 9% toward my goal.

I am pleased. This has been rough, but awesome. I have felt better about my fitness level since maybe high school. Maybe ever. I'm excited to keep it up... Even though I'm killer sore from yesterday's run, and the 100 Workout today didn't help.

Tomorrow I run again.

Over the course of the month, I will be near the end of Couch to 5K, and who knows how much closer to my size goals...???

Thanks for sticking with me and cheering me on here and on Facebook. It has helped more than you can imagine.

Corn on the Cob or Workout 18 of 24

...Raul peeled back his green shirt to reveal his muscular chest that resembled a delicious ear of corn on the cob...

When I was little I did not understand the appeal of abs. I thought it looked like corn, and corn did not belong on a body! However... I grew up.

Back in early '94, at my most fit, I had what is lovingly termed a "six pack". It was pretty cool, but like always, I didn't realize that I was so very fit. hmmm... Reminds me of that quote "I wish I was the size I used to be when I thought I was fat". Regardless, that time has passed. Is the new me going to have a six pack? I don't know. We have not reached that point yet. But.....

Some muscle definition is happening! Actually, it's happening all over my body! My bum, my legs, my arms, and yes, even just under my ribs. Miracle of miracles! I'm only measuring slightly smaller, and I weigh more, but I'm changing! It's not quite as drastic as Jacob, in Eclipse, or the Hulk... but it's happening!

Today The Captain and I even compared abs. haha. He was saying after the last week of tennis, he was starting to see some definition, and it's true! It's there! So I showed him my pretend definition.

Do you know what's awesome about that? It wasn't there 4 weeks ago, or even THREE weeks ago. I'm excited to find out where else this path is taking me, even if it's hard. I think the best results come from the most difficult paths, and the poorest results come from the easiest.

Today I did the 100 Workout with Lambie. I have been uncertain about this workout because I'm not sore afterward like I used to be. But I thought of something today... I still can't do 100 jumping jacks without pausing at some point, or do 90 crunches without wincing, etc. It's still hard. It's still a workout. So I'll still do it. If it ever gets easy, I'll switch.

Lambie didn't like the workout at all today. She would stop after just a little while, and declare that she won because she was done first. By the end, as I was doing 10 pushups, she laid flat on her face, bored. I told her she did a great job, and I loved that she was my workout partner, and she hopped up, beaming, thanking me for being a great mom. What a perfect ending.

I'll Never Be a PE Teacher or Workout 10 of 24 for May

"Today" is Thursday, May 11th. Blogspot is down, so I am recounting it for you. Unfortunately, a day late, this might lack the verve it would have had yesterday, the real 11th.

I had a busy morning. One aspect regarding what's going on with Bear, is we have a lot of appointments. Yesterday, I spent 6 hours just driving to, and attending appointments for him. The Captain teases me that I should hate my life. But, I enjoy doing things for my boy. He will grow up knowing I love him.

After the morning appointment, I picked Lambie up from Kindergarten, and we went home. I had a window of time before the next appointment, so I decided it was now or never for the 100 Workout. Lambie decided she wanted to work out with me. I would direct her "like a PE teacher!"

First, she ran upstairs to get into workout clothes, and returned in t-shirt and fitted denim skirt. Protesting fashion for the sake of realism, I insisted she put on sweats or loose shorts.

After she returned, we began. 100 jumping jacks. Lambie announced that she could do more than me, so she started going double time, kid style. If you've ever seen a kid do jumping jacks, you wonder how they can be coordinated enough to brush their teeth. I was laughing so hard, my abs hurt before my ab workout!

90 situps: "Look! My head is dancing!"

80 squats: "Uuuurrrrrgh. aaaaaaarrrrrgh."

70 leg lifts: "I think my bottom is going to split into two separate bottoms!"

60 jumping jacks: "Again?! Didn't I just do 500 of these things?"

50 situps: "I'll count, you just sit up."

40 squats: "Does this help practice how to sit in chairs?"

30 leglifts: "I'm so good at this. I can't help it. I have realllly long legs."

20 jumping jacks: (after 3) "That's about 20"

10 pushups: "I'm already really good at these, so I think you should do them alone." And Peach came and climbed up on my back.... er. no.

Jogging for 10 minutes ended up looking like a mix between jogging, dance party, a Ukrainian folk dance, and finished with her literally running circles around me.

The 25-30 minute workout ended up taking 50 minutes, but I haven't laughed so hard in a really, long time.

I realized I couldn't be a PE Teacher because in order to not care about perfection, I would have to be able to laugh. And they would all think I'd lost my marbles!

My Real Workout Partner or Workout 8 of 24 for May

I have a secret. I have a virtual workout buddy. Well, she's a real person, but she lives 550 miles away.

I have known KNBO'R for almost 11 years. When we were new friends, we fell into the catergory of "thin, but think we're fat". Sickening. I remember how we would be walking around together and turn heads. Those were the days... In the course of these 11 years, we have collectively become, well, bigger. Less head-turning. We've tried working out together, virtually. Our first attempt, we would report our workouts to each other, which digressed to "Well, when I saw a cute pair of shoes, I ran up to them and jumped up and down. Does that count?" Jokingly of course. We know what a workout is supposed to look like. But we rarely got past the first week. If that far.

For one reason or another, we made excuses, and stopped. Always.

This time is different. I think this is why: Both of us had individually decided to do Couch to 5K. Both of us have absolutely had it with our level of unfitness. And both of us miraculously decided to make it happen, beginning the same date. No guilt trips, no reports, except the blog, just support.

We both have our obstacles. She is a single mom of one, spirited seven year old. I am a married mom of three. Both of us are outnumbered. Both of us have varying support depending on the day. She works outside the home. I work at home part time, and have a baby. So we support each other as much as we can.

It's been really helpful! Especially today when I was recognizing that I'm retaining fluid and bloated. She texted me: "your body stores more glycogen after an intense workout in anticipation of you expending more energy. It's most common at the beginning fo an exercise routine. It should ease off after a couple of weeks." She helped me fight my frustration by googling what was up, while I was not in a happy google-able state.

And today, before I worked out, and was absolutely dragging my feet, she texted notes of encouragement, and of course, there are her blogs about her exercise. I am happy to be doing this with her. It's totally working! I highly recommend a virtual, real exercise partner!

As far as my workout today, it was the 100 Workout. I decided today that my poor arms, although they've lost more inches than anywhere else on my body, were not getting stronger. I added 10 FULL pushups to the 100, before the jog. It was mean. MEAN. I would say I'm never doing that again, except that I must need it!

I am moving mountains, and it feels like it. I hope to see results soon, because this is hard.

You Want a Hershey Bar? or Workout 5 of 24 for May

My mother confirmed today that if I do not blog my workout, it didn't happen. So, she is siding with KNBO'R. I am really just afraid of boring you. I do more than workout, and I'd rather blog about my introspection or children. But here it is...

Today was 100 Workout day. It was my day off from running, and I actually WANTED to run instead of the 100 Workout. I started my day by going to a Mother's Day Tea at Lambie's Kindergarten class. It was very cute. I was wearing slacks, a nice top, makeup, my hair was done, I smelled pretty... I did not, DID NOT, want to get into my workout clothes, sweat, drip, ooze makeup, and have to shower AGAIN. So I stalled and stalled, and made lemon squares, and cleaned, and stalled.

After Bear came home I still stalled. When The Captain called to say he was coming home, I got my bum in gear. I was not going to let him watch me work out until I was at least a size 8. haha. I ran upstairs and donned the equipment. I put Pandora on, almost more for Peach to have something to dance to, than me to be distracted with.

Speaking of being distracted... Mother's Day is around the corner, and every year, it makes my children giddy. Silly giddy. They do silly things "for" me, because they love me. Today, Bear came home with goody bags full of candy from the bus driver, as it was her last day. (She's awesome.)

So, Bear, who is extra lovey... as I was about at 65 of my 90 crunches, mouth slightly agape, so I could breathe, shoves a Hershey bar in my mouth. I couldn't breathe! I had to try to politely, graciously inhale the chocolate bar, so that he did not feel his generosity was being thwarted.

I almost died.

Death by chocolate.

Okay, not really. But "difficulty breathing mid-workout by chocolate" sounds much less dramatic, or appealing.

The rest of the workout went on without a hitch. And my timer for the 10 minute run went off, exactly at the time The Captain approached the door.

The Ox in the Mire or May Workout Day 3 of 24

There is a saying in my church about "the ox in the mire". What it means is, we follow the commandment to keep the sabbath day holy (refer to the 10 commandments, it's in there), but sometimes, rarely even, your ox is in the mire, and you must labor that day. I suppose that darn ox isn't going to get out of the mire on its own, and if it is IN the mire, it could become overwhelmed, discouraged, and frustrated. It could give up. It is critical, even on the sabbath, to get your ox out of the mire.

Today I was the ox in the mire. I did what I should, and put on my workout clothes as soon as I woke up. In fact, waking up was a treat. I woke up before my alarm, and felt rejuvenated. I had forgotten how awesome this aspect of exercise was. I had an errand to run, but I was home by 8:30. I ate. I checked Facebook. I rechecked Facebook. I announced that I was going to be exercising. I rechecked Facebook. I perused Pinterest. I rechecked Facebook. I didn't want to exercise. I was wondering if today would be one of my 7 days off for the month. I rechecked Facebook. And there it was.

Atreyu...

Do you remember in the Neverending Story how Atreyu and Artax had to trudge through the Swamps of Sadness? Atreyu begging Artax to not let the sadness overcome him? Good heavens, this is actually a great analogy for supporting someone with depression... Anyway, I felt like Artax, neck deep in mud, not really actually wanting to get out of the mud. My Atreyu was the responses on my Facebook post... AM, PS, JS, and MC were all cheering me on, offering support and encouragement, stating pride and enthusiasm.

Knowing I couldn't let them down, I did it. The 100 workout again. It was my "day off" from Couch to 5k. I did it in less time than the other day. It wasn't quite as much of a killer, but it was still tough, which was good. I discovered that I shouldn't look at the ceiling while doing jumping jacks because watching yourself get closer further closer further, is really unsettling. And I discovered I need to invest in another sports bra (sorry Mom, for mentioning undergarments in public) to alternate while one is in the wash.

Peach still danced to the music. I still smiled at the end. I feel stronger and leaner, even though I'm sure I'm not leaner, yet. I feel like I'm doing good. I hurt, and it ticks me off that I can't just sit among feather pillows eating bon bons for the rest of my life. But I will do it again tomorrow. Because I know who I am, and who I am is not an unfit lop of a person.

I Never Saw Myself as a Hurdler

Day 1 of 24. I'm blogging it, so apparently that means it's going to happen. And you lucky folk, you get to read about it. My friend, MC, has started doing a monthly workout goal. For April it was 22/30 days. May is 24/31. I energetically said I would join her. Part of my brain shouts "Are you CRAZY?!", while the other part of my brain says, "This is what you need!"

The battle between the angel and devil on my shoulders became almost deafening.

I rarely cry at movies anymore, I rarely cry when I'm in an argument, anymore. I didn't even cry when I burnt all goodness out of my thumb (future blog. oh goodie.). But the other day, The Captain wanted to get me a shirt, because I have few clothes, and I cried right there in the middle of the store because of how I look. I do not look *bad*, but do not think I'm vain. Somewhere in the last ten years I have relinquished control of my body.

I used to play baseball. I used to play basketball. I used to do 100 pushups a day and have a six pack. My brother and I used to mess with my thigh muscles at my knee line while we were not paying attention at church.

I have had four babies. While it's not an excuse, it is an excuse. You hand over control of your body, your metabolism, your energy to baby making and milk producing. It has been a precious gift to be able to have sweet children, and nourish their infant bodies, but it comes at a price. A price I was willing to pay.

I have come to claim my body back! Yes, it's only day 1. But I DID day 1! I completed it! The workout is in the picture, and for someone who hasn't worked out hardcore for a couple of years, this was intense.

My body jiggled more than I'd like while I did jumping jacks. My exercise induced asthma lead to wheezing twice during. I realized that counting up made it easy to think "I've done 85 jumping jacks. Isn't that enough?", so I had to count down. My knees hurt. My sinuses got grouchy. I sweated like a pig. I felt it was unfair. I felt it was impossible. I felt like I should have cut the exercise in half. I felt I should stop early. My baby was underfoot because her nap was shorter than normal. I didn't know how I was going to do it.

I did it.

All of it.

Black Eyed Peas radio on Pandora, my babe baby-bounced to the beat almost the entire time, and smiled at me. I pretended she was cheering me on. I pretended this was one day of teaching healthy habits. By the time I got to 20 jumping jacks, I was smiling. I was doing it. I was going to do it! I felt taller. I felt thinner. I know I'm not. But I felt like I had righted my course, and found the path that led to fitness and self-esteem. Tomorrow is going to hurt, and I will need to exercise to get out the toxins. My confidence is greater than it was yesterday. And if that's the only good that comes of it, that's enough.

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up, put on my jogging suit, and do it again. I will conquer my mental and physical hurdles, and I will come out smiling in the end.

Today was taking ownership of my life. I am reclaiming my body.