Before and After the Asperger's Diagnosis

This weekend I got to experience the feeling of being what Lambie now calls "The Big Mama Chicken" thanks to comparing a hen and her baby chicks (the hen doesn't like her babies messed with) at The Country Mouse's home today, to me.

This weekend, an elderly woman kept telling Bear to look at her when she's talking to him, and my heart broke a little, because I knew he was really listening since he wasn't allowing himself to be distracted by watching her face. I heard someone talk to him as though he was "slow", asking him if he understood what "milk" was and what it meant to "freeze" something. (The chances that the first person reads this is nil, the second, very very unlikely.) And others... Just writing it out makes my heart ache. I don't want my man cub treated differently. So I am going to tell you a little about my Bear, before, and after. Maybe it will help. Especially those of you who love him so dearly.

Before you knew he had Asperger's:
He was bright
He had a killer vocabulary
He was obsessed with Lego's
He was gentle and kind
He was kind of silly
He loved babies which was really sweet
He was safe and careful
He was honest
He chewed on his shirt
He cried easily
He liked hugs
He wasn't good at sports, but sure liked them
He loved math and being surrounded by friends
He liked frogs and snakes
He kept his room tidy
He loved making people laugh
He was a good swimmer, but not a thrill seeker
He was a smart kid
He wasn't a troublemaker
He understood you when you talked normal, at normal pace, unless it's figurative, and then...
He would ask you what words or phrases meant
He wouldn't look you in the eye when he was talking to you
He would have major tantrums, usually in the comforts of home
He would get overwhelmed and zone out
He would remember everything
He needed to have a predictable schedule
He needed to be coached ahead of time, when there was a social situation
He was not retarded
He had the most admirable integrity and loyalty

Now that you know he has Asperger's:
He is bright
He has a killer vocabulary
He is obsessed with Lego's
He is gentle and kind
He is kind of silly
He loves babies which is really sweet
He is safe and careful
He is honest
He chews on his shirt
He cries easily
He likes hugs
He isn't good at sports, but sure likes them
He loves math and being surrounded by friends
He likes frogs and snakes
He keeps his room tidy
He loves making people laugh
He is a good swimmer, but not a thrill seeker
He is a smart kid
He isn't a troublemaker
He understands you when you talk normal, at normal pace, unless it's figurative, and then...
He asks you what words or phrases mean
He won't look you in the eye when he is talking to you
He will have major tantrums, usually in the comforts of home
He will get overwhelmed and zone out
He will remember everything
He needs to have a predictable schedule
He needs to be coached ahead of time, when there is a social situation
He is not retarded
He has the most admirable integrity and loyalty


This is not directed at anyone, so do not worry. I just know that I have been guilty of treating a child differently when I learned of an Asperger's/Autism diagnosis, rather than getting to know the kid. So maybe it helps if I tell you what he's like... ???

Treat him like you always have... But if you want to help... guide him in social situations, and treat him with patience when he's "acting up", if you would... It's all I ask. He thinks he's like any other kid, and blends in well, and I want him to maintain that confidence. It could save his life someday.



Art: Look Me in the Eye by Green Rhapsody

Hopes and Dreams

When I was a child, I loved dandelions. I would merrily pick my mom a bouquet of the greatest collection of dandelions anywhere. I would make sure the stems were slightly varied in length, so that they looked nicely in the vase that my mom lovingly made them home in. I would make necklaces, bracelets, collect them, draw them, and cry when they were killed or mowed.

As an adult I realize that they are a nuisance, a pest, a struggle to destroy. They can make a perfectly green lawn flawed with its bright yellow face. You know your lawn is in danger if they get to the point of turning to seed.

However, if they turn to seed, you can pluck them (carefully), walk them to the middle of the road, and blow them (downwind), making a simple wish.

A wish that they could figure out why my sweet son who is "normal" 90% of his life, gentle, funny, brilliant, witty... struggles with behavior, with hardly-noticable-tics, cries at a whim, isn't growing much, worries about everything, obsesses about everything else... A wish that the specialists could decide, is it Anxiety? Tourette's, Asperger's? All of the above? How can I help him? How can I build his confidence? How can I help him see that even though he feels like he's a dandelion in my perfectly green lawn, that dandelions are so beautiful really... with their bright yellow face. What would we do if there were no dandelions in the world? I think my dandelion makes my green lawn appear greener.