Today is Friday. I might be the only person in the world that dreads Fridays. While (thankfully) it's not every weekend, it is the day I take Bear and Lambie to their dad's home.
Last night I was thinking about Bear and Lambie's step-brother Ben, who is Bear's age now. He is with his father one week, and his mother the next. I expressed to Bear that it must be strange having half of your belongings at one home, and half at another. And Bear said something that stunned me, but was obvious. He does too. I guess I had always felt like his dad's was kind of like a vacation home. But of course he needs his things, his definition. I'm glad he has that.
I also have a world outside of my children. I put up a new wallpaper (to go with the season), and Lambie asked where I found the beautiful picture. "I took it", I told her. She asked me when I did, and how I took such a good picture. "I'm a photographer, it's my job." And then I realized they are usually gone at school or their dad's when I schedule photo sessions. All they ever see me do is edit. They probably haven't seen me click my "work camera" in a very very long time.
All at once their world is getting bigger, and they are beginning to learn that my universe is different than theirs. I know they'll be amazing, but every time they leave my universe, on those dreaded Fridays (although I know in my head that they need a relationship with their dad), my heart breaks a little. And I ache. But then Sunday comes, and my world is put back together.
I can't imagine how hard that would be! But I do understand about the sense of... loss, I guess... that comes when our children start to occupy their own places in the world. Just sending Benjamin off to school has been hard for me. Necessary, but hard.
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