Pit Stop or Workout #6 for July

I have spent my entire day not wanting to write this. However, I have maintained my accountability, and intend to continue this honest journal of events. I wish it were more glamorous.

I dropped Bear off for Cub Scout Day Camp early this morning. Today would be a track day, but Lambie insisted that she would ride Bear's bike, since he was gone. After dropping off Bear, Lambie pulled out the bike, we did a little tune up, I contemplated my lack of tools in spite of my husband's profession, and we were on our way.

I told her the good news: I would just be running, so she could continuously ride her bike. I had lovely visions of today. I was running week 8 day 2 of Couch to 5K. I would run for 28 minutes, with a five minute warm up and cool down. I had pre-mapped a 2.75 mile goal. It was all terrific.

About a mile in, a pedal came off. NOT AGAIN. This happened last time she rode the bike! What is happening??? I put the pedal back on, easily forgiving the pause (I paused the timer and music), and we returned to running. It was only the beginning.

With each subsequent stop, I jogged in place when I could, and became really fast when replacing pedals or training wheels. I kept my mood light because with each stop, I thought of Luigi from "Cars" and his "Pit Stop!" Also, it helped that I'd already done a successful 28 minute run just three days prior. I knew I could do it.

Wednesday WILL be a track day. I'll bring bubbles. 38 minutes worth of bubbles.

Lambie helped me count... We lost pedal(s) five times, training wheels twice, and stopped for the port-a-john once, but technically twice, since the first one we encountered was missing TP, so we had to run 1/4 mile to the next one... Eight stops. Sigh.

It could have been a better day. I wished I could have a do-over (without bike issues), but that's what Wednesday is for. Tomorrow, I think we'll walk to the church and library. Lambie wants to drive her Barbie motorized Jeep. Heaven forbid that breaks down 2 miles from home.... I would not handle that well...

Reflecting back to the run today, I am glad I stayed patient and forgiving. I told Lambie she was balancing well with the training wheels off, and it made her want to try harder. And home was a sweet destination.

Before and After the Asperger's Diagnosis

This weekend I got to experience the feeling of being what Lambie now calls "The Big Mama Chicken" thanks to comparing a hen and her baby chicks (the hen doesn't like her babies messed with) at The Country Mouse's home today, to me.

This weekend, an elderly woman kept telling Bear to look at her when she's talking to him, and my heart broke a little, because I knew he was really listening since he wasn't allowing himself to be distracted by watching her face. I heard someone talk to him as though he was "slow", asking him if he understood what "milk" was and what it meant to "freeze" something. (The chances that the first person reads this is nil, the second, very very unlikely.) And others... Just writing it out makes my heart ache. I don't want my man cub treated differently. So I am going to tell you a little about my Bear, before, and after. Maybe it will help. Especially those of you who love him so dearly.

Before you knew he had Asperger's:
He was bright
He had a killer vocabulary
He was obsessed with Lego's
He was gentle and kind
He was kind of silly
He loved babies which was really sweet
He was safe and careful
He was honest
He chewed on his shirt
He cried easily
He liked hugs
He wasn't good at sports, but sure liked them
He loved math and being surrounded by friends
He liked frogs and snakes
He kept his room tidy
He loved making people laugh
He was a good swimmer, but not a thrill seeker
He was a smart kid
He wasn't a troublemaker
He understood you when you talked normal, at normal pace, unless it's figurative, and then...
He would ask you what words or phrases meant
He wouldn't look you in the eye when he was talking to you
He would have major tantrums, usually in the comforts of home
He would get overwhelmed and zone out
He would remember everything
He needed to have a predictable schedule
He needed to be coached ahead of time, when there was a social situation
He was not retarded
He had the most admirable integrity and loyalty

Now that you know he has Asperger's:
He is bright
He has a killer vocabulary
He is obsessed with Lego's
He is gentle and kind
He is kind of silly
He loves babies which is really sweet
He is safe and careful
He is honest
He chews on his shirt
He cries easily
He likes hugs
He isn't good at sports, but sure likes them
He loves math and being surrounded by friends
He likes frogs and snakes
He keeps his room tidy
He loves making people laugh
He is a good swimmer, but not a thrill seeker
He is a smart kid
He isn't a troublemaker
He understands you when you talk normal, at normal pace, unless it's figurative, and then...
He asks you what words or phrases mean
He won't look you in the eye when he is talking to you
He will have major tantrums, usually in the comforts of home
He will get overwhelmed and zone out
He will remember everything
He needs to have a predictable schedule
He needs to be coached ahead of time, when there is a social situation
He is not retarded
He has the most admirable integrity and loyalty


This is not directed at anyone, so do not worry. I just know that I have been guilty of treating a child differently when I learned of an Asperger's/Autism diagnosis, rather than getting to know the kid. So maybe it helps if I tell you what he's like... ???

Treat him like you always have... But if you want to help... guide him in social situations, and treat him with patience when he's "acting up", if you would... It's all I ask. He thinks he's like any other kid, and blends in well, and I want him to maintain that confidence. It could save his life someday.



Art: Look Me in the Eye by Green Rhapsody

My Old Fashioned Summer or Workout #5

I think the older I get the more I find we have the same types of experiences over and over and over and over again to learn from them, love them, recount precious memories, and teach them. I have noticed so much this summer that while I am lamenting the loss of the simpleness of my youth, in comparison to my children's, theirs is actually fairly simple too.

I know because of the situation they are in, it is not the easiest of childhoods, but I also know they have the same opportunities I did, for a simple, sweet childhood. Magic shows, puppet shows, walks to the park, homemade Popsicles, "big" trips to the coast, tents in the living room, library trips... It doesn't have to be big and contrived to be lovely.

My run today was Week 8, Day 1 of Couch to 5K. With week 8 you run 28 minutes without stopping, after a five minute warmup walk and flanked by a five minute cool down walk. I confess I was nervous. I had only run non-stop this last Wednesday and it took all I could to do that.

I started heading to the park, and toward the end of my warm up walk, there sat a young boy with his lemonade stand. "Ma'am, would you like some zucchini bread and lemonade?" I will be back to support the young entrepreneur! I know it's a big effort to get that organized, at his age. I remember...

The prompt came to run, and I did just that. I ran. I ran and ran. My legs started to hurt (specifically the backs of my legs, oy vey). I ran up the incline, and it wasn't as hard as it used to be. I made it to where the usual "halfway" prompt comes, and it didn't come. I wondered if I'd accidentally paused my program. I kept running. Today's run was both longer, and my pace was faster. I ran the entire loop of the park, and debated running its bigness again. I decided not to. I was afraid of frustrating myself. I exited the park, and decided to retrace some steps.

Sometimes it's good to do the things you've done before. Sometimes they are sweeter than you recall.

I ran the cul-de-sacs in the neighborhood. These were the same cul-de-sacs that I ran when I first started the program a couple of months ago. They were perfect for making the goals I needed to. Today I was essentially killing time. I didn't know how long my run was. Just that I needed to keep running. I stayed on the street, knowing the everyone still left things out on the sidewalk, including the big pile of rocks (I'm about ready to help spread the rocks). Each cul-de-sac seemed to pass by so quickly. It was good to retrace these steps of not so long ago, to see how much progress I've made. I loved it.

I ran back by the lemonade stand and the mother of the boy said, "Well done! Keep going!" Which was AMAZING. I had no idea how it would propel me. I ran past the stand, down another cul-de-sac, around the corner with the stop sign, down past my home, and then my cool down came.

When I plugged it into Map My Run I had gone 2.5 miles exactly. I am SO EXCITED. I'm excited to go faster. I'm excited to go farther.

A few months ago, I asked my friend, JN who just completed a half marathon and is as postpartum as I am, how long before she liked running. She said six weeks. I could do six weeks. Well, it's been ten weeks for me, and today, I like running. I think it's important for me to be able to run constantly. It has done amazing things for my psyche. I am excited for Monday, and Wednesday, and the next Friday. I am excited to be moving onward and upward.

I am glad that I have this chance in my life to do this. I have learned so much. I have overcome so much. More than most people realize. I am becoming myself because I wasn't afraid to try again after failing and failing and failing. I will fail again, but today I will remember to always try again.

The Lucky Penny or Workout #4 for July

This morning I woke up at a good time to go running nice and early, before temps started increasing. But my running partner, Miss Peach, was still sleeping... I called my therapist/sister ES to talk about college stuff that's stressing me out, and she brought me back to reality. It was good. After dilly dallying as long as I could, I decided to just wake the babe.

I forgot I broke my earbuds. ughhhhhhhhhh......

Today was week 7 day 3 of Couch to 5K, or the last chance to run 25 minutes without stopping. I had not yet been able to do this, whether it was a physical or a mental impasse. I wasn't sure of my ability, but I wanted to give it my all. I did my warm up, moving the location, to keep my run feeling "short".

I left thinking, "I will take a walk break after I return home." Which shortened to "I will take a break at the stop sign." And again "I will take a break at the halfway mark." Sigh...

I arrived at the park, the daunting incline before me. I decided I would run to the top and assess my feeling. I was fine, so I kept running. The halfway prompt came, and I ran right through it, not even tempted to stop. Shortly after, I wanted to stop. In my head I thought, "No! If I start now, I'll take breaks too often, and it doesn't do anything but frustrate me at the end." So I kept running. And with each desire to stop, I thought a simple "No." Or "It's not time yet."

By the time I left the park, and was heading home, I realized I wasn't going to stop at all, even though, while I didn't realize it, I probably still had seven minutes left, or more. Instead of stopping to walk, I would decrease my already snail's pace, to something probably slower than walking, but I kept "running". Naturally it returned to my set pace.

I didn't notice when I passed the stop sign. It was only when I was approaching home, I started saying "Uncle". I decided I would run to the end of the cul-de-sac and assess how I felt.

And then I saw it, a shiny penny.

Now, this might sound odd, but just Monday, my dad told me a story of a marathon runner who was trying out for the Olympics, and while he ran he always stopped to pick up coins. When the Olympic trials were happening, he saw 2 quarters off to the side. Stopping to pick them up cost him qualification to enter the Olympics.

I thought of this as I saw the penny. I could stop to pick it up, but it would require me to stop. I was so close to my goal. It's funny what the nagging voice in your head can try to convince you to do. I had to convince myself that the penny would still be there when I looped back around. And it was JUST A PENNY. It wasn't a $100 bill. haha. It was hard to run past, but I did, thinking of my dad's timely story. (Thank you, Dad!)

I got to the end of the cul-de-sac, frustrated there was not a "one minute left" prompt yet! And then it came. I was too tired to run harder that last minute, like I usually do, so I kept going at my current rate. And I finished. I ran 25 minutes. Straight. I have never run 25 minutes intentionally, before. As I once again approached the penny, I passed it by, needing to do my cooldown, in a much better mental state than I had been.

Upon completion of the workout and cooldown, I went back and picked up the penny. It wasn't as shiny as I thought it was. The year? 2007. The year I changed my life. The year I started reclaiming myself. I am where I am now because of choices I made that year. I was running today because of choices I made that year.

I think I'll keep the penny.

My First 5k - The Good, The Bad, and So On (Workout #2 for July)

Today I ran my first 5K. A few weeks ago, I lamented on Facebook how there was a 5K on the Fourth of July at the same time as my church's annual pancake breakfast. While I was not graduated from the Couch to 5K program, I would be in week 7, and wanted to see what I could do. My friend WB asked if there was a 5K an hour earlier, would I run it. Yes.

I owe WB a LOT of credit. He organized a 5K with only a few weeks to prepare. He mapped it out, recruited volunteers to be stationed along the route to guide runners, placed cones, came up with prizes, and supplied Gatorade, on his own dime. There were 35 runners. I am amazed and so thankful that he did this, and I was able to see how far I've come! Thank you WB!!! So much!!!

I was pretty nervous last night. For what I didn't know. I think I was afraid of looking like a fool. But, when I arrived, I didn't worry anymore. I just wanted to go go go.

Knowing I was not even remotely one of the faster runners, I hung back at the starting line and went at my own pace.

There were obstacles... Inclines I didn't know would be there, many roots breaking up through the concrete trail, making it a challenge to run with a jogging stroller, sweet wonderful racers who were walking and wanting to chat even if you wanted to keep running but didn't want to be rude, it was longer than anything I'd ever ran, thus far, I didn't know my route and got lost at one point which lead to a little um, cross country traversing with the stroller through bushes and trees... It was warm, but not terrible, and my allergies were in full force.

I was pretty frustrated at how much I walked. My run was peppered with little walks. Every time I slowed to walk, I just felt, well... like a failure. I was also running against/with 2 dozen seasoned runners who I am more or less friends with. I thought, "Who am I to think I'm even one of them?" and "What makes me think I even belong here?" (This is hard for me to confess my emotion, but I promised ES and KNBO'R that I would tell it like it was.)

I rounded a corner, and the volunteer, KC said, "Every time someone passes me I feel a year older." It made me laugh, and I realized how much younger I've felt since I started running two months ago.

I found myself on the street behind the start/finish point, and discovered how very close I was. I couldn't believe I'd come so far. I ran and ran and ran and ran. I imagined my friend KNBO'R standing at the corner saying "Come on Lissa. This is what we've been training for. I know you can do it." It is what she would have said, and I was encouraged to press on. After the race, I learned that in her town, 550 miles away, KNBO'R also ran 5K, although she's on 7.3 of Couch to 5K. She did it to run with me. I get teary when I think of it. What a sweet sacrifice, and precious effort. I will never forget it.

I probably got within an eighth of a mile and I smelled the pancakes being cooked at the church. I slowed to a walk, to prepare for a final run. And shortly, I ran again.

I ran into the parking lot, and was rewarded with an unanticipated feeling. I saw my husband's truck and a flood of joy filled me. I knew he was there waiting for me. I knew he was there cheering for me. At that point, there was no one else I'd rather see in the whole world. I forget sometimes exactly how much I love that man I see almost every (ordinary) day. At that moment I felt that overpowering feeling of gratitude and love for his support and encouragement, and it gave me great purpose.

I rounded the corner in the parking lot, and saw the crowd cheering for incoming runners. I saw The Captain, proud as can be. I was not stopping for anything. I was so exhilarated and excited.

And then I felt sick. And faint. NO!

I slowed to a walk, and walked for a little while. But I couldn't help myself. It was like I HAD to run. It was almost a physical need, because it was such a powerful emotional need. I started to jog, then run. I would say I sprinted, if you can do that after running three miles for the first time in your life. I ran my tired heart out, and made it across the finish line.

I felt sick to my stomach.

Thinking I was going to be sick, and not wanting to share with my friends, I doubled back quickly enough that my earphones The Captain was holding snapped in two, as I headed to the church building. I realized as I got closer, the feeling was fading as I walked. So The Captain walked with me, as I regained my composure. The good news is, I get to buy new earbuds. ;)

What followed surprised me. I felt...bummed. Embarrassed. Humiliated even. I saw the picture of me The Captain took, and I was frustrated at how I look.

You see, I'm a perfectionist. hahaha. hm. So... I was sad I didn't run the whole time. I was embarrassed that I even thought I could do it, or associate with people who did the same run in less than half the time. I felt like a joke. In the picture, I looked bad. There's no other word for it. Just bad. I wondered where the runner's high was. Where the sense of completion and success was. I was just forlorn about it all, and felt like it was a mental way to feel! What was my problem??? Was it an adrenaline crash? Lack of blood sugar?

I just couldn't get into the pancake breakfast that was held after the race. The Captain, sensing this, offered to go home. I was glad. I felt bad, but I was glad.

We had a nap, and talked for a while. Over the course of the day I began to realize that I've only been actually running for two months. Most of those people have been running for years. Some of them are just those people who are good at everything they do. This is new for me though. I have a way to go. My finish line was not the end. It was just a marker along my journey.

If I never run another race again, I'll be fine. I'm running for me. But if WB does this again next year, I'll do it again, and I'll be glad to see how much I've improved. After all, look how far I've come in such a short time. Another year and I'll feel like a runner.

For the record, my stats were: 26th of 35, time 44:30 (better than I thought! - Couch to 5k trains you to do it in 40, so I'm not far off, eh?) ‎12/18 females 3/3 by category. I don't know what my category was. Jogging stroller category?

What's next? Well, I finish my training. I put on my running shoes and try again. Wednesday is Week 7 Day 3 of Couch to 5K. I think I can do it. After all, I completed a 5K...

The Missing Captain or Workout #1 for July

I woke up this morning ready and rearing for a good run. I was so excited. It was going to be a warm day, so I woke up early, to beat the heat. I got dressed and ready to run, got Peach ready, went downstairs, and discovered my husband wasn't there.

I checked the garage, the yard, the restrooms, the rest of the house. I noticed his wallet was still at home, but his phone was missing. There was no note. I went outside and MY car was gone.

I tried calling his phone, but there was no answer. I thought maybe the grocery store...but he left coupons at home that he would have taken, and his wallet. I thought of several things, but nothing added up. I started to worry. I was up EARLY.

I thought about starting my run, since it would help pass the time, and keep me from obsessing since he was probably *fine*. But I remembered the jogging stroller was in the car! sigh...

After about an hour, hour and a half of playing with my Peach and coming mentally unglued, he walks in the door. He was playing tennis with friends, at the park. He thought he told me about it, but maybe not. I notified him that he was grounded *wink*, and after a justified "talk", Peach and I left 3 hours late for the run.

I noticed the day had already gotten warm, and it was more humid than I was prepared for. We set off, and at the time to run, I was excited. It felt natural, and I was ready for it. I was glad to be running, and I was enjoying myself. I made it to the park, looped it once without issue --imagining that the dog show going on was not a critical audience, but rather a cheering section-- and just into the second loop I started seeing stars.

Feeling like that was just silliness because I was barely over halfway through my run, I pressed on. I hardly remember the rest of the run. I know I slowed to a walk more than on Thursday, but not much more. I was just overwhelmed. I pushed myself through the last minute, did the cool down, making it home, or 2 1/2 miles (or so?).

I was frustrated that I didn't run the entirety, but I was almost out of my mind with exhaustion, that I didn't care much. I saw my neighbor (and church friend) KZ outside, prepping to leave. I knew I had to get her photo taken for a church project, so I grabbed my camera and walked over there, immediately. We talked for a little while, she asked me what my 4th of July plans were when it happened...

I wasn't hot anymore. In fact, I was cold. Really cold. Stars. Spinning. My stomach turned. I said to KZ, "It's Peach's birthday, so we're going to my parents and... I'm not feeling well. I need to go." Poor KZ. If you're reading this, KZ, I'm so sorry. I was either going to pass out on her front walk, or throw up. How awful.

I slogged back home, and collapsed on the bathroom floor.

When I got my wits about me, I managed to get to the sofa, where a shower of sweat ran from me. Every inch of me was covered in a significant amount of sweat.

Heat exhaustion? I'm not sure. Possible. It's easier to diagnose when you're not the one feeling it.

It took a good half gallon of water and an hour or so before I felt functional. I'm so thankful it wasn't worse. I'm so thankful no one had to clean up after me. I don't ever want to do that again.

From now on, I will prepare better if I have to run in heat. I will try to run earlier. I will listen better to my body cues.

Am I ready for Monday's 5K? Probably not. But I will give it my best. That is certain. I will likely come in last or near last, but I will more than likely be pleased at my ability, and for the hard work thus far.

Wish me luck!

2 Months In! - A Summary of Results Thus Far

I have not recently read my previous month-end report, so I really have no idea what format I should write in, to maintain consistency. I suppose I'll just tell it as it is.

This has been a frustrating month, but yet, a good month. I have enjoyed becoming leaner. I have enjoyed tremendous increase in strength, stamina, confidence, and ability! I can now run almost an entire 25 minutes without walk breaks, I can do more pushups than I have done in years, and my skin is happier. Ah...clear skin... I forget how exercise helps skin!

I had the pleasant surprise of putting on my pre-pregnancy capris and finding they fit BETTER than they did two years ago. You see, last summer I was entirely postpartum, so I hadn't even tried to put them on. I confess I was nervous! Every time I was postpartum, before, and tried donning the summer clothes, they did not fit. I'm pretty pleased! Plus, it's reassuring to know I won't have to wear my jeans all summer...

So why was it frustrating? I decided I would only weigh myself once per month, but a healthy part of the way through, I decided I would weigh myself, so that I might have more incentive to continue this madness. My discovery was that after about three weeks of much more intense exercise and mindful eating, I had lost 3/10 of a pound. I was so defeated and frustrated, but, I remembered what The Captain had said which was that I'm going the right direction, and eventually it would start working for me.

I decided to weigh myself "officially" today, for my month end report. I was delightfully surprised to see a five pound weight loss! In fact, I got off of the scale, reset it, and got on again, a few times! I don't honestly know how it happened, or where it went. I anticipate those missing five pounds could be found again the next time I'm on the scale, but I surely hope not.

As far as measurements, my waist and thigh(s) are only 1/2 an inch smaller, and the rest is the same. C'est la vie. I'm feeling better about me, and that's a gift. Truly.

I have decided I'm going to monitor my diet more closely this month, to see what it will bring. Now that exercise isn't nearly as mentally hard for me, watching what I eat will not feel like I'm totally killing myself. If I'd started both at the same time, I'm certain my body would go into shock, and freak out, and I'd quit.

So, yay for 11 1/2 total pounds lost. :) Let's see what July will bring!