Endorphins: My Drug of Choice or Workout #4 for June

Today at church I experienced weekly therapy. One of the best remedies for postpartum depression must be talking with lady-friends while you nurse your babes in the mother's lounge. This week's topic was losing your marbles.

Over the course of the conversation, one of the ladies suggested that perhaps her emotional struggles had been because she hadn't exercised in two weeks. That perhaps the endorphins keep you more mentally afloat than you realize. I absolutely needed that.

Saturday I ran Week 4 Day 3 of Couch to 5K. I did not do well. Actually, the first half was fine. The second half was like in the Neverending Story, letting The Nothing overcome me. I kept thinking how WB stated that running was as much physical as mental, and I could not get over the mental. I tried, and I fought, and I ran as much as I could, but my feet were made of cast iron, and my heart was just as heavy. The third run was difficult, but I did it, but the fourth run, with just over a minute left, I stopped. I didn't even try to hop back into a run. I just walked. And walked... I will be re-doing 4.3 Monday.

Over the course of Saturday I felt frustrated with life. I felt like I was going to be torturing myself for the rest of my life, trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I worried that I would never love it. It was pretty lousy! I contemplated not blogging, because who wants to think that halfway through a program they'll STILL want to give up?

What I realized from my mother's lounge therapy session was that the endorphins might actually be helping me. Where I felt so down and upset, it could have been worse had I NOT ran that day. I could still be wallowing into Sunday.

But I wasn't. I do feel like I can handle the obstacles before me. I feel like I will get through life by achieving a series of large and small goals. My mind feels clear and confident, and my only frustration is really only having to repeat 4.3. So I will. And I will reap the benefit, not of a do-over from a failed run- day, but rather another day of endorphins, which will help get me through, help me feel energetic and capable, help me feel beautiful, clear my head, and put a smile on my face. Endorphins have become my grace. I won't be giving up anytime soon because frankly, I'm hooked. Thank goodness it's healthy...