3 Months In! - Reporting My Physical Changes Thus Far

I just want to start by saying, choosing to only weigh and measure once per month is so good for me! I am afraid I would fixate week by week, and be much more emotional, with how slow it's going. But it's going! Whatever I'm doing is working, and that's a great feeling!

This month I had a trip to Disneyland, courtesy of my lovely sister, ES. I managed to not pig out, and wasn't really even tempted to. I was thankful! I actually counted calories, and did very well with that. I didn't do well with it the entire month though, and I'm curious if I did maintain that tenacity, if I would see better results.

One of the greatest changes I've seen are my clothes are starting to either fit better, or fit BIG on me! I was telling ES that I'm used to buying clothes because my old clothes are too small, but not the other way around! I'm not to that point yet, but I'm getting there! I noticed that my running pants that, while they weren't TIGHT when I went to Disneyland in March, they nearly were. Now the same pants are LOOSE. As in, almost too big for me, loose. Not falling off me yet though. ;) Still, what a very very very cool and foreign feeling! Bring it on!

This month I lost 4.8 pounds. I was hoping to have dropped the additional .2 pounds, so I kept getting off and getting back on the scale to see if it would drop. It maintained, so 4.8 it is. To date I have lost 16 and (almost) 1/2 pounds! That's so awesome! I would love to lose another 15 in three months! Sure, I'd love to lose 15 pounds in ONE month, but working like I am, it's taking it off and getting rid of it for good, and that's a great feeling.

Measurement-wise, my hips are down 2 inches, my waist is down 1 3/4 inches, thighs 1 1/2 inches each, and arms 1 1/4 inches each. SO HAPPY! I am becoming me!

Realizing I am now the size I was when The Captain and I were reunited almost four years ago, I am really pleased. I can see where, in the past, I would see this as a happy spot to stop and enjoy the scenery from my self-imposed plateau of happy memories. However, I am going to keep it up, and just see what happens!

The coolest change (besides completing the Couch to 5K program and moving onto Bridge to 10K) was walking by the restroom mirror today and realizing that my side thigh muscle above my knee is becoming defined! As I walk I look more muscular instead of just a mass, and I love that. Also, my arms are becoming more defined. It is amazing to see my body return to where it should be. What I am doing is right for my body, and it shows!

Let the fat burning resume!

My Last Few Runs

I have fallen behind. I realize that running and planning and going on vacation at the same time does not allow much time for WRITING. It's a shame! There's a lot to say!

Briefly, week 8 day 3 went off without a hitch. I don't remember much... Maybe my running partner can refresh my mind?

Week 9 day 1 was the last week of Couch to 5K, and I had my first day of running 30 minutes straight. The goal was to run 5K in 40 minutes or less. This day my running partner, KNBO'R was running a very cool 5K in Davis, CA, and as she did for me July 4th, I ran "alongside" her. My time for 5K was around 45 minutes. This was surprising for me because it was about the same time as my 5K July 4th, and I walked much less. hmmm... I knew the next day would be better.

Week 9 day 2 and 3 were on a treadmill on Level 3 of the Hyatt Regency in Anaheim! Day 2 was awesome, and the 30 minutes of running went so well, and "easy", and I felt I could run forever! There was a hot running thing on the treadmill in front of me, and I had to remind myself to not let it bother me because she's probably been running for years, right? RIGHT? I appreciate the air conditioned room, filtered water and cold, damp towels available. And I got a thank you from other gym patrons when I was the only person who wiped down the treadmill.

The completion of Couch to 5K went without fanfare, and almost... Well, I wasn't impressed. I was still not quite at 5K within 40 minutes. Feeling graduated because I WAS RUNNING the entire allotted time, I was genuinely okay with it all. However, for me, I felt like the program was to train me to run 5K under 40 minutes. Not 4.8K.

Saturday, after returning and healing from vacation, I ran a bonus run, using my plotted 5K, and running my heart out. Honestly, it was a TERRIBLE run. I didn't run the entire time. My head was messing with me. I felt AWFUL. I felt I couldn't do it. I was frustrated and forlorn. I felt like a failure. But I really wanted to do this! I ended up running through the 5 minute cool down in order to make up time. With that, I did 5K in a hair under 41 minutes. I am a runner.

Despite the odds, I finished. I did what I set out to do. This means that I will run a 10K in an hour. It means I will run a Half Marathon in 3:30 or less and not get swept. It means I will finish college. It means I will do great things in my life because I can accomplish small goals that lead into larger goals.

Monday I begin Bridge to 10K. Who wants to join me for my journey?

Pit Stop or Workout #6 for July

I have spent my entire day not wanting to write this. However, I have maintained my accountability, and intend to continue this honest journal of events. I wish it were more glamorous.

I dropped Bear off for Cub Scout Day Camp early this morning. Today would be a track day, but Lambie insisted that she would ride Bear's bike, since he was gone. After dropping off Bear, Lambie pulled out the bike, we did a little tune up, I contemplated my lack of tools in spite of my husband's profession, and we were on our way.

I told her the good news: I would just be running, so she could continuously ride her bike. I had lovely visions of today. I was running week 8 day 2 of Couch to 5K. I would run for 28 minutes, with a five minute warm up and cool down. I had pre-mapped a 2.75 mile goal. It was all terrific.

About a mile in, a pedal came off. NOT AGAIN. This happened last time she rode the bike! What is happening??? I put the pedal back on, easily forgiving the pause (I paused the timer and music), and we returned to running. It was only the beginning.

With each subsequent stop, I jogged in place when I could, and became really fast when replacing pedals or training wheels. I kept my mood light because with each stop, I thought of Luigi from "Cars" and his "Pit Stop!" Also, it helped that I'd already done a successful 28 minute run just three days prior. I knew I could do it.

Wednesday WILL be a track day. I'll bring bubbles. 38 minutes worth of bubbles.

Lambie helped me count... We lost pedal(s) five times, training wheels twice, and stopped for the port-a-john once, but technically twice, since the first one we encountered was missing TP, so we had to run 1/4 mile to the next one... Eight stops. Sigh.

It could have been a better day. I wished I could have a do-over (without bike issues), but that's what Wednesday is for. Tomorrow, I think we'll walk to the church and library. Lambie wants to drive her Barbie motorized Jeep. Heaven forbid that breaks down 2 miles from home.... I would not handle that well...

Reflecting back to the run today, I am glad I stayed patient and forgiving. I told Lambie she was balancing well with the training wheels off, and it made her want to try harder. And home was a sweet destination.

The Lucky Penny or Workout #4 for July

This morning I woke up at a good time to go running nice and early, before temps started increasing. But my running partner, Miss Peach, was still sleeping... I called my therapist/sister ES to talk about college stuff that's stressing me out, and she brought me back to reality. It was good. After dilly dallying as long as I could, I decided to just wake the babe.

I forgot I broke my earbuds. ughhhhhhhhhh......

Today was week 7 day 3 of Couch to 5K, or the last chance to run 25 minutes without stopping. I had not yet been able to do this, whether it was a physical or a mental impasse. I wasn't sure of my ability, but I wanted to give it my all. I did my warm up, moving the location, to keep my run feeling "short".

I left thinking, "I will take a walk break after I return home." Which shortened to "I will take a break at the stop sign." And again "I will take a break at the halfway mark." Sigh...

I arrived at the park, the daunting incline before me. I decided I would run to the top and assess my feeling. I was fine, so I kept running. The halfway prompt came, and I ran right through it, not even tempted to stop. Shortly after, I wanted to stop. In my head I thought, "No! If I start now, I'll take breaks too often, and it doesn't do anything but frustrate me at the end." So I kept running. And with each desire to stop, I thought a simple "No." Or "It's not time yet."

By the time I left the park, and was heading home, I realized I wasn't going to stop at all, even though, while I didn't realize it, I probably still had seven minutes left, or more. Instead of stopping to walk, I would decrease my already snail's pace, to something probably slower than walking, but I kept "running". Naturally it returned to my set pace.

I didn't notice when I passed the stop sign. It was only when I was approaching home, I started saying "Uncle". I decided I would run to the end of the cul-de-sac and assess how I felt.

And then I saw it, a shiny penny.

Now, this might sound odd, but just Monday, my dad told me a story of a marathon runner who was trying out for the Olympics, and while he ran he always stopped to pick up coins. When the Olympic trials were happening, he saw 2 quarters off to the side. Stopping to pick them up cost him qualification to enter the Olympics.

I thought of this as I saw the penny. I could stop to pick it up, but it would require me to stop. I was so close to my goal. It's funny what the nagging voice in your head can try to convince you to do. I had to convince myself that the penny would still be there when I looped back around. And it was JUST A PENNY. It wasn't a $100 bill. haha. It was hard to run past, but I did, thinking of my dad's timely story. (Thank you, Dad!)

I got to the end of the cul-de-sac, frustrated there was not a "one minute left" prompt yet! And then it came. I was too tired to run harder that last minute, like I usually do, so I kept going at my current rate. And I finished. I ran 25 minutes. Straight. I have never run 25 minutes intentionally, before. As I once again approached the penny, I passed it by, needing to do my cooldown, in a much better mental state than I had been.

Upon completion of the workout and cooldown, I went back and picked up the penny. It wasn't as shiny as I thought it was. The year? 2007. The year I changed my life. The year I started reclaiming myself. I am where I am now because of choices I made that year. I was running today because of choices I made that year.

I think I'll keep the penny.

2 Months In! - A Summary of Results Thus Far

I have not recently read my previous month-end report, so I really have no idea what format I should write in, to maintain consistency. I suppose I'll just tell it as it is.

This has been a frustrating month, but yet, a good month. I have enjoyed becoming leaner. I have enjoyed tremendous increase in strength, stamina, confidence, and ability! I can now run almost an entire 25 minutes without walk breaks, I can do more pushups than I have done in years, and my skin is happier. Ah...clear skin... I forget how exercise helps skin!

I had the pleasant surprise of putting on my pre-pregnancy capris and finding they fit BETTER than they did two years ago. You see, last summer I was entirely postpartum, so I hadn't even tried to put them on. I confess I was nervous! Every time I was postpartum, before, and tried donning the summer clothes, they did not fit. I'm pretty pleased! Plus, it's reassuring to know I won't have to wear my jeans all summer...

So why was it frustrating? I decided I would only weigh myself once per month, but a healthy part of the way through, I decided I would weigh myself, so that I might have more incentive to continue this madness. My discovery was that after about three weeks of much more intense exercise and mindful eating, I had lost 3/10 of a pound. I was so defeated and frustrated, but, I remembered what The Captain had said which was that I'm going the right direction, and eventually it would start working for me.

I decided to weigh myself "officially" today, for my month end report. I was delightfully surprised to see a five pound weight loss! In fact, I got off of the scale, reset it, and got on again, a few times! I don't honestly know how it happened, or where it went. I anticipate those missing five pounds could be found again the next time I'm on the scale, but I surely hope not.

As far as measurements, my waist and thigh(s) are only 1/2 an inch smaller, and the rest is the same. C'est la vie. I'm feeling better about me, and that's a gift. Truly.

I have decided I'm going to monitor my diet more closely this month, to see what it will bring. Now that exercise isn't nearly as mentally hard for me, watching what I eat will not feel like I'm totally killing myself. If I'd started both at the same time, I'm certain my body would go into shock, and freak out, and I'd quit.

So, yay for 11 1/2 total pounds lost. :) Let's see what July will bring!

Chasing Toddlers or Workout #20 for June

The last two days were terrible days for exercise. I confess Tuesday I didn't try too hard. I slept through my alarm, and needed to just get going with my day. Wednesday I woke up HURTING. Nine years ago I had a major back injury where the muscles on my back, holding my spine, detached, or more unpleasantly, were ripped away from my spine. In the three months before I started physical therapy, they began to heal, going the wrong direction. It has been nine years, and I still struggle, but not nearly like I used to. While this was a muscular injury, sometimes my spinal cord is affected by the lack of muscular support. Yesterday was that day. Instead, I went to the "free" movie, attempted to go bowling, watched kids play, and really took it easy. By nightfall I felt much better. This morning I woke up and my spine was so much better, but my muscles, overworking, were aching. I have three children and a husband in Seattle. I was tired. I was en route to falling off the wagon. But I didn't want to!

Encouraged by words of friends, I gathered my young and brought them to the school. I met up with a friend, KC, who is doing her version of Couch to 5k and on week 5, and I am on week 7 day 1. Saturday will be week 7 day 2. Monday I run my first 5k. I'm more nervous about terrorizing my friends with my sweaty scent during their pancake breakfast than I am about running 3 miles. I think not knowing the route will help. I'll just run and run and run. But back to today...

It was important for me to run as much as I possibly could today, preparing for Monday. I started my run out slow, and it always makes me feel silly to start so slow because I know I can go much faster. But I don't want to suffer later for having an uneven, unrealistic pace. Running with KC was nice too. Sometimes I fear I'm a reclusive running partner. I hope that didn't bother her. Maybe I'm in "the zone". haha. Maybe I don't have fun with it yet.

After the halfway mark, I slowed to a walk. This time I timed for sure ALL of my walks. I took four mini walk breaks, totalling 1 minute 55 seconds. My longest walk was one minute, and MAN that went by fast! haha. I was noticeably stronger this run than the last run. I have to remember that with previous weeks, it would take me ALL week (or longer!) to get a particular run down pat, so I feel I have 2 more runs to perfect running 25 minutes without a break. Next time I will take less than a minute of breaks if any at all. And by 7.3 (or the 5k) I will run 25 minutes without a break. I promise! :)

At the end of my run, A mom came to the track, her 4 year old pushing the stroller, the mom carrying the toddler, trying to run. It made me think of how people say they get slimmer by chasing around a toddler. In contrast, my friend KJ arrived at the track. I know she's only been running a few years (at least as far as I understand), and I remember seeing her run a few years ago at the rate I do. Today I watched her gazelle-like poise and focus as she ran and ran and ran her long, muscular legs around the track. It was truly impressive, and inspiring to me!

I suppose my motivation today was wanting my toddler to have to chase me, or having it be easy peasy to chase after a toddler! How much fun and laughter would be in my home? I can't wait! Today was awesome. I feel AWESOME!

Running McPhee or Workout #19 for June

If apps could talk... I am sure if my app could talk...well, more than it does already, when I pondered why Friday was the last time I would run an interval run (walking break) for Couch to 5k it would say something like this: "There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go."

After a good 6.2 run (week 6 day 2) run last Friday, a repeat of Wednesday, I decided I would run it one more time, to build confidence. I didn't blog it because life is life. Plus all I thought about saying is, "Did you know you can SEE pollen? Did you know it falls in WAVES from some trees?" Nothing good. Oh, and I was going to say that sometimes a road looks flat, but it's all uphills... That's about it.

So today I accidentally missed my alarm, forfeiting my golden opportunity to run before The Captain left for work, while the kids were asleep. My privilege today was running with three children. Hey, it takes a village to build a runner, right? The Captain decided I could run at night. I knew though, by nightfall, I would be plum-tuckered out. I had to find a solution.

My running partner (550 miles away), KNBO'R, was texting me about running, and over the conversation, I discovered I could haul Bear and Lambie and Peach to the school track, let Bear and Lambie run around in the field in the middle of the track, while I ran laps with Peach in the stroller.

PERFECT.

I told KNBO'R that I was going to be doing 6.2 again. She encouraged me not to, but to go ahead and run 6.3, 25 minutes straight (plus 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down). I thought... sure. It was time to cut the cord.

Concerned that I would focus too much on how many laps I was doing, I did something I read on a blog. I gathered a handful of clover flowers, and with each lap, I dropped one in the start spot. At the end I was able to count how many laps I did, and how many miles (2.25 exactly).

During my run I enjoyed watching my older children play with the dried, mowed grass, throw boomerangs, and blow bubbles. I saw how they work together so well to make "haystacks". And I got to enjoy Bear counting my laps loudly for me, and running along side me for about 30 feet each lap. I love my children.

It was hard to run on a track. Physically it was a dream come true. Mentally, well, there's no real goals, no scenery, just repeated laps. One thing I loved was, some time ago, when I learned a lap was a mere 1/4 of a mile, and I knew they had to be lying because it's soooooo long, I discovered it's actually not long at all. It's about 1/4 mile, I'd say. ;)

I also concocted an art project I'd like to do someday about treadmill runners, track runners, street runners, and trail runners. Yay for inspiration!

So how did the run go?

Well.... I had a handful of stops and starts. All very brief. But truly, it was as though I didn't need it. I would slow to a walk, feel the burn in my calves to keep going, and I would run again. I knew if I got beyond the burn, I would stop, and walk. I must indulge the springs in my legs!

My favorite thing about the entire run I discovered later. I read a few weeks ago that your breathing becomes accustomed to long distance running before your legs do, and that your legs do shortly thereafter. All this time, my breathing has been INTENSE at best. Today, I breathed just fine the whole time, even talking with my kids on my final stretch. It was only my legs that hurt. Sweet goodness, I'm getting stronger! All of me is getting stronger!

Wednesday is 7.1, and it will be terrific. And I have a solution to my little four person running team.

My motivation for today? Well, my friend WB formulated a 5k on the 4th of July, and while I may get last place, I'd like to run the distance. Very badly. Even if I'm not 100% ready.

No more breaks.

"When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go...."

My Imaginary Audience or Workout #17 for June

I gave Peach hummus for dinner last night. Every 30-45 minutes, throughout the night, she cried, screamed, whimpered... I hardly slept. The Captain, who had to drive to Seattle today for work also hardly slept. When my alarm sounded at 6:30AM I dutifully shut if off, and tried to eek out another bout of sleep. At 7:30AM I realized if I wanted to be on time to visit SC and ML, I needed to get ready NOW. This meant no running. Why can't I be reasonable at 6:30AM?

Visiting was awesome, and I went home realizing that if I ran at noon, EVERYONE would see me. Why? Because it was summer, which means EVERYONE is out. And if EVERYONE is out, EVERYONE is watching me as I run by. Which, as I explained to my sister, ES, wouldn't be a problem if I was hot and showing off. But no, I have bouncy parts. I open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. My cheeks flush like a smoker in the winter. And I sweat like a... I sweat a lot. Then I remembered the quote "If you left when you first thought about it, you'd be back by now." I put on my brave-I-don't-care-what-you-all-think face, and left.

I plotted out 2 1/2 miles, knowing if I ran the two, 10 minute segments, with the 5 minute warm up, cool down, and mid-run walk, that should equal that distance.

On the way there, I saw the kayak people in all their muscular hotness washing down their kayaks.

And that was it.

At the park there were three ladies strolling a very very slow stroll, a man pushing his son in a swing while he stayed occupied on his phone, and a tennis camp of kids. That was it. The cooler day didn't bring as many people as the hundreds that flocked to the park yesterday. Phew!

I was running along, and discovered something. No one really cares. I might earn a passing glance, but no one really is thinking, "Geezum, Woman. Keep running, you need it. Listen to that squeaky stroller. Look how slow you are! Why are you wearing a JACKET? Are you new to running?" No, no one really ever says those things, and I doubt anyone thinks them... if they are it's fleeting, and they are probably miserable. So I continued to run.

The second run did not go as perfectly as the first for several reasons: First, I got a major stitch in my side. I need to learn what causes those and never do it again. I wore my thick running jacket to hold my iPhone, and it was warm and muggy. I need to get an armband... I was dehydrated. I had a big lunch before I left. But really, the side pain was grueling. I pushed myself as hard as I could, but there was a lot of mini stops and walks, so I will be redoing 6.2 of Couch to 5K on Friday.

Then, off in the distance I saw two men in the otherwise vacant roadway, along my running path. They were both sitting there, and I thought, "Ah crud. I don't want to run by two men just sitting there in their chairs. They are probably waiting for the appropriate time to heckle the poor running girl."

And then I got closer.

And realized I worry WAY TO MUCH about this imaginary audience. Of the two men, one was in a wheelchair. The other was teaching him how to push himself further in his wheelchair, strengthening his endurance. I almost cried.

Instead I decided to run.

I ran because I could. I ran because he couldn't, but may crave it. I ran because he might miss running the bases at a baseball game, or chasing after his kids. I ran because the only thing stopping me was my mind. I had to push myself beyond my pain, and finish my run.

The moments of walking made my running distance shorter, so I had further to go to get home, than my workout time permitted.

I did it, but not well. I look forward to doing it again Friday, because I will be strong enough.

My motivation today? I don't want Peach to ever know me as unfit. But mainly I ran today because I could.

Keep Going or Workout #9 for June

If you read my blog from Friday, you will remember that I was not confident at the end of 4.3 of Couch to 5k, or for me it was actually 4.6. I had run week 4 twice, and I was frustrated. Throughout the week I wondered if I would ever increase to week 5. I wondered if I could actually DO week four correctly. I DID 4.3, but it was a mess. I decided I could stay stagnant, or move onward and upward.

I discovered that I also injured the big toe on my right foot, at the base of the toe. It was a remarkable pain. I've broken toes before, and it almost felt like that. I decided to not work out Saturday at all, to give my foot a rest. It bothered me to sit on my duff, so to speak. All Sunday I pondered what I was going to do Monday.

I had received sound advice from dear friend M(O'R)J, who had experienced a foot injury, continued to carry on as usual, injuring herself further. Actually it gives me the willies thinking about it. Poor friend. I rolled her experience over and over in my mind. Morning came, and I had to make a decision. This is what happened...

I got on my workout clothes, and prepared Peach. The Captain modified his work schedule so that he could be home with the older two, so I could run. I am so thankful for his support. My mindset was, I have gone YEARS making excuses of why "I can't" or "shouldn't". I was afraid that given the (yes, valid) opportunity to make an excuse, I would take it, and run with excuses rather than my program.

I began my warm up walk. My foot, although it felt better upon waking up, hurt. I decided if it still hurt when I started to run, I would walk the half hour, because I had to do something.

Soon into running the first run (5.1 or week 5, day 1)I noticed the pain was receding. Before I knew it, the pain was gone. I don't mean "mind over matter" gone. I mean I felt like I usually do. So I kept going.

I was pleased that I made it through the first run without a major temptation to stop. As usual, the long runs have become the short runs, or in this case, today, what were the long runs for week four, there were now three of, with no short runs. Wednesday there are two LONG rungs, and Friday I will run for 20 minutes without a break. Because of this, I realized if I didn't do it right today, I didn't have the rest of the week to perfect it. This was it.

The second run I focused on a bit of advice I read yesterday: You have to consciously tell your feet to stop. Your body knows to keep going, so focus on something else. I listened to my breathing which makes me crazy. I thought about Disneyland. I thought about my siblings. I thought about my kids' sore throats. I made a goal to run to the entrance/exit to the park, and before I knew it, my app told me to "walk now". I was SO pleased! Winded, but SO pleased!

The walk between the two runs seemed to be far too brief. But I knew by the end of the walk, I had successfully caught my breath, and I was ready to run the final run. This was tough for me. Clearly. It was another long run. I was tired. I was really really really done. But I knew it was make it or break it day. I remembered what WB said, "You just have to do what you've already done." I had already ran that run twice. I just needed to do it once more. I was approaching the stop sign. This was pretty tricky for me, because my goal with week four WAS the stop sign, in the shorter run. My new goal was the kids' bus stop. I had to pass the stop sign without stopping. I visualized a sign that said "Keep Going". I crossed the street to avoid the stop sign, and rounded the corner. "One minute left", my app said, and I pressed on. Thrilled. I smiled that whole last minute. I almost cried.

I grinned the whole time I was doing my cool down. I was sweating from head to toe. I feel AMAZING. I am thrilled!

I look forward to Wednesday to find out if all I've been training for is preparing me to run so much already.

My plan? To keep going.

Losing Limbs or Workout #8 for June

Ah, the last day of school! It is a time of excitement and anticipation! And the start of how my running schedule is going to get interesting...

After Bear left on the school bus, Lambie, whose last day was yesterday, was still sleeping. Excuses filled my mind of why I didn't need to run today, but I realized that tomorrow I would be more bummed that I didn't do it today.

I got her up, and she was happy to oblige. It took super duper forever long to get her ready, but it worked out. She decided to ride Bear's bike (his has training wheels, hers does not, and I didn't want her riding 2 miles without training wheels since she's still not a pro...), which was pretty dirty from a winter of not riding. We cleaned it up, and off we went.

It went GREAT. She kept a good pedaling pace while I did my warmup walk, and first run. Oh yeah, I was running 4.3 again, so 4.6 haha, or the second week of running week 4 of Couch to 5k. We had our mini walk break, long run up the incline (success!), and at the start of the second walk break, her pedal fell off! I was afraid of losing momentum, but I considered this fell under the category of Break Something, for my rules to stop. While I'm glad it wasn't a bone, I didn't have tools with me. I put the pedal on the best I could. We walked the remaining time, ran the third run, and despite my fervent prayers (just kidding) that the other pedal would fall off mid-run, it fell off just after the third run. Oy vey. Run four, the final long run was HARD, but I did it, motivated to keep up with my bicycling daughter. And it ended just in time for one of the training wheels to fall off! How many ways can you spell "tune up"?

I attached it the best I could and even got a "Good job, Mama!" from a passing older lady who flashed me a knowing smile.

I did 4.3! I finally FINALLY did it! It was NOT easy. AT ALL. Everything hurt. Heck, it's 10:30pm, and everything still hurts. I decided that even though I'm not confident with the run, I'm going to move on to 5.1. There's no reason why I shouldn't. So Monday...

Later today I got some kudos from JN who must have smelled me from across the school parking lot, when she *knew* I had gone running today. She introduced me to someone who was also doing Couch to 5k, and said she was having an easy time so far. I'm genuinely glad for her... but that's not me. I kind of wish it was easy... but I feel so much success at finishing off each week, even each day, because it IS hard, that the feeling of accomplishment keeps me going. I want that every time I run.

Today's motivation? I'm telling you, my reasons are silly... But I need to have my reasons.

Maria Sharapova's French Open outfit. First I must play tennis. Which means First-er I need to be able to be agile on a tennis court.

Another motivation I had today is that I want my kids to remember me as fit, not fat. And frankly, I know they will remember this time in their lives, when I worked out every day to get my body back. I want to be a good example.

Pushing Myself or Workout #7 for June

As you know, if you've been keeping up on my workout portion of my blog, I have reached a mental plateau. I have petitioned my friends for their motivation. I've tried to dig down deep for my own motivation, when all I think is "why? why? why?" My virtual workout partner and I have been exchanging texts. She's been in the same mental lull as I am. So misery was enjoying its company.

After conversations that went something like, "Wah wah wah. whine whine whine. me me me. wah wah wah. Our sisters have lost a ton of weight by dieting. (Which we KNOW is HARD, and we genuinely admire them SO MUCH for their efforts and successes!!!). We're glad for them, but sad for us that we haven't lost much. wah wah wah. blah blah blah. This is hard. wah wah wah." ...and so forth. What we came to the conclusion of is this: Regardless of our boohoo lack of weight loss, we might be on the cusp of dramatic loss, and would we stop now before finding out?

Even my sister, ES, has plateaus of weight loss with her rigorous diet she's on. If she stopped during a plateau, she would not enjoy the next drop in weight.

Today I ran 4.3 AGAIN AGAIN for Couch to 5K. I'm going to just call it 4.5. Friday it will be 4.6. I decided to go with the course taking a straight shot to the park, run around the park, and then home. I like that there are no obstacles. There ARE inclines though, and while I HATE THAT, it's going to be so good for me!

The first run, a short (long) run, I ran all of the way through. The second run, a long (longer) run, was up the incline, and I took a couple of very short breaks, but breaks nonetheless. It was slightly discouraging, but I kept going, pushing myself. The third run, a short (long) run, I ran the whole way through again, which was really exciting! The fourth run, a long (longer) run, I took a couple of breaks that were about 10 seconds each, but I pushed myself to make them brief, and sprinted to the stop sign at the end of the road.

Today I pushed more than just the jogging stroller. I pushed myself. And I loved it. I'm excited for Friday to discover what I can do. I want to see if I am stronger. I want to prove to myself that I can do even greater than today.

My daily motivation might seem a little strange to you, but I'm going to put it out here anyway. Today I am motivated to someday wear a Seth Aaron design. I think he's amazing. And really, look at this coat. Who wouldn't want to drop some sizes to wear this?

Do-Over Day or workout #5 for June

My sister, ES, convinced me to write this. She said it's very human.

Today I set off like usual, after the bus came, Peach and I headed out for our run. I was not into it. I have found that I am lacking a little motivation. I think I actually need to make a list of my motivations. It could help! I didn't realize I would need such a list to keep me going. At any rate, the first run came along, and I ran it. I was frustrated to see the pile of leaves is STILL in the sidewalk. I was relieved to see the basketball stand thing was moved, but their car was sitting in the middle of the sidewalk...

The second run, the next cul-de-sac STILL had a pile of rocks. The following cul-de-sac STILL had a tree that needed majorly trimmed. I was so frustrated with the obstacles, and just stopped. Fifteen minutes into my run, I turned around and headed toward home, frustrated, defeated, and generally cranky.

So far, during running, I have had numerous obstacles, and always found a way around them. Some were physical, some were mental. However, when the obstacles present are ones I encounter over and over again, and cannot do anything about, I get so frustrated. I realized as I was walking back home, two things: 1) I would be blogging about this, and while everyone would be polite and tell me it was fine, just try again Wednesday, it still is so sad to say I couldn't even try for 30 minutes. And 2) In life, if the same path doesn't work for you, and you encounter unrelenting obstacles, generally the wise choice would be to redirect your path, to choose a new road.

I reached the point where I start my running, after my warmup. I turned around again, backed up my program on my app, and started over, with run #1. I ran it. I didn't go down the cul-de-sacs at all, but instead went straight for the park. I ran #2, with a small walking break in the middle. I ran #3. I ran #4 and wanted to cry, and took about a 30 second walking break. I did my cool down, and went home. My 30 minute program took me 45 minutes. I did not bring my head or my heart. I was not proud of myself. I was not happy for what I'd just done.

But I did it.

I will be re-doing Week 4 Day 3's run for the third time on Wednesday. This time I will do it right, the whole time. But beforehand I am going to make a list of my motivations.

So there it is. What would motivate you to exercise daily with no end in sight?

Endorphins: My Drug of Choice or Workout #4 for June

Today at church I experienced weekly therapy. One of the best remedies for postpartum depression must be talking with lady-friends while you nurse your babes in the mother's lounge. This week's topic was losing your marbles.

Over the course of the conversation, one of the ladies suggested that perhaps her emotional struggles had been because she hadn't exercised in two weeks. That perhaps the endorphins keep you more mentally afloat than you realize. I absolutely needed that.

Saturday I ran Week 4 Day 3 of Couch to 5K. I did not do well. Actually, the first half was fine. The second half was like in the Neverending Story, letting The Nothing overcome me. I kept thinking how WB stated that running was as much physical as mental, and I could not get over the mental. I tried, and I fought, and I ran as much as I could, but my feet were made of cast iron, and my heart was just as heavy. The third run was difficult, but I did it, but the fourth run, with just over a minute left, I stopped. I didn't even try to hop back into a run. I just walked. And walked... I will be re-doing 4.3 Monday.

Over the course of Saturday I felt frustrated with life. I felt like I was going to be torturing myself for the rest of my life, trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle. I worried that I would never love it. It was pretty lousy! I contemplated not blogging, because who wants to think that halfway through a program they'll STILL want to give up?

What I realized from my mother's lounge therapy session was that the endorphins might actually be helping me. Where I felt so down and upset, it could have been worse had I NOT ran that day. I could still be wallowing into Sunday.

But I wasn't. I do feel like I can handle the obstacles before me. I feel like I will get through life by achieving a series of large and small goals. My mind feels clear and confident, and my only frustration is really only having to repeat 4.3. So I will. And I will reap the benefit, not of a do-over from a failed run- day, but rather another day of endorphins, which will help get me through, help me feel energetic and capable, help me feel beautiful, clear my head, and put a smile on my face. Endorphins have become my grace. I won't be giving up anytime soon because frankly, I'm hooked. Thank goodness it's healthy...

1 Month In - Reporting!

Alrighty! Are you ready to learn if this month of self-inflicted torture has done any good for me?

Remember a couple of weeks ago, I gained FIVE POUNDS (it has to forever be in caps.)? Well, I lost that, and then some. I am 1.5 pounds below my original weight, or 6.5 pounds below my peak weight. Yes, I lost 6.5 pounds of FAT. Heck yes. And yet, how gross that I had that much fat on my body to lose... the thought that I have plenty more.... ew.

As far as inches... I love this part. I have seen happy results. Since I have goals with this, I'm going to give percentages. For my hips (booty), I'm 10% toward my goal. My chest (which fluctuates while I'm nursing I know) is 12.5% toward my goal. My waist is 9% toward my goal. My thighs measured larger somehow (???), and I'm 15% going the wrong direction. I'm confused, but as I've learned from this experience, it will redirect its course, and go the right way soon enough. And last, my upper arms are 9% toward my goal.

I am pleased. This has been rough, but awesome. I have felt better about my fitness level since maybe high school. Maybe ever. I'm excited to keep it up... Even though I'm killer sore from yesterday's run, and the 100 Workout today didn't help.

Tomorrow I run again.

Over the course of the month, I will be near the end of Couch to 5K, and who knows how much closer to my size goals...???

Thanks for sticking with me and cheering me on here and on Facebook. It has helped more than you can imagine.

Back on Track. Literally. or Workout 20 of 24 for May

You will notice it is May 31st, and I am somehow missing FOUR workouts for the month. Fortunately I feel guilt free about this. I contracted a common illness that I've never had before. Strep.

I woke up Thursday morning feeling like I had elastic pulling my throat closed. It wasn't scary, but it was awful. I knew that working out was not in the cards for the day. I tried coming up with different exercises that wouldn't add to the suffering of strep, but came up with nothing. I decided this would be some major time off.

This morning was the first I have felt mmm.... normal. I could breathe, although my throat was still somewhat raspy and sore. I was weak, but not extremely. Today was the day for me to run week 4 day 1 of Couch to 5k. As it was the week prior, the week's (scary) long run had become the short run. The breaks in between were vastly shortened. I was nervous, but knew I was going to stink at it anyway, because of my illness and healing.

And it was raining.

Peach and I loaded up, and after the school bus pulled away, optimistic, I started my warmup going a different direction, knowing that more running would mean longer distance, and my route needed to be modified. That has actually been an interesting phenomenon.

I do not have a pedometer, and have not found an app that is happy to work alongside my 5k app. I'm sure there is one, though. I have no idea how far I'm going, but every week it gets longer, and longer! That's awesome!

Before I knew it, my app said, "Run now". I obeyed. I started spacing off, thinking of...everything. I thought about my brother. I thought about The Captain working out of state this week. I thought about dinner. I thought about Lambie's fieldtrip in two days. And before i knew it, last week's "impossible" long run (this week's short run) was over. I felt like I was just warming up. It was a great feeling!

The breaks being shorter, it wasn't long before I was told "Run now". So off I went, for the long run. Almost double the "short" run. I focused on spacing off. And looking ahead for road hazards such as RV's, basketballs, and even sidewalk chalk and slugs.

The command to "Walk now" was a nice surprise. I was feeling amazing. I ran run three the same way. But I can honestly tell you that run four did not go the way of the other three. I thought about "Run four. The last run. I have a week to get this perfect. It would be understandable if I didn't rock it. I could walk through part of this one." It was shameful, but about halfway through, I walked for 10 seconds. And I realized something dumb. I was breathing just as hard walking (from the exhaustion of running) as I was while running! So I ran again! And after a while, I stopped. AGAIN. It took about 2 seconds before I started up again, and with just less than a minute left, I slowed to a walk. I felt ashamed, a little, but realized it's really okay. It's really, really okay. No excuses. It's okay.

The distance I added to my run is amazing. I am thrilled! I am excited that I was able to do SO MUCH post-strep and four days off. I am so thankful that I didn't let my workouts go by the wayside. I am looking forward to tomorrow's 100 Workout, and the following day's run. However, I fear it won't go as well as today... We'll see!

Uncle! Uncle! or Workout 17 of 24 for May

Today I ran.

It was week 3 day 3 of Couch to 5K. For me, this was make it or break it day, since my "time was up". However, I know I could have done the day over and over again. I just didn't want to.

Both of my jogging jackets were in the washing machine, so I wore my windbreaker. It did the trick, including holding the iPod, but in no way did it wick away moisture. haha. At least I know it'll work in a pinch!

Since my jogging jackets were in the washer, I had taken out the inhaler and put it........ Yeah, no idea. BUT, I was able to get through without! This was huge for me! A HUGE SUCCESS! I remember learning in college Psych that asthma can be cured through hypnosis and positive thinking and visualizing. Throughout my runs I visualized the air filling the entirety of my lungs, and I made it through. When I felt the metallic taste in my mouth -which I have learned is blood from bursting capillaries from labored breathing- I ignored it, knowing it wouldn't kill me. It didn't.

Do you remember the pile of rocks? Well, the next cul-de-sac, beyond the one with the pile of rocks, had a HUGE pile of leaves on the sidewalk! I laughed as it was looking like a comic strip! I imagined cul-de-sac #3 would have a pile of manure, but I was fortunately wrong in my imagination.

With each run I made it through. I persevered, and I was pleasantly surprised. Do you want to know how I did it? How I made it through the long, long runs? I didn't think of fainting, throwing up, breaking bones, or dying. I made a goal for how long to run, in my mind, and wouldn't stop until I'd made that goal. Both of the long goals, I made to be kind of ridiculous. And I made them. Toward the end of each one, when I had enough, I would think (and maybe say out loud? I hope not, but who knows once the earphones are on!) "Uncle! Uncle! Mercy!"

Very literally, at the moment I felt I was at my end, that I could not take any more, "Walk Now" came through the speakers, and I realized I had completed the runs. To say I was proud of myself would be an understatement. I ran the entire length of a very long street! I genuinely didn't think I could do it, and I did! I hope it's okay to be proud of yourself. I am changing my body, and I love it. I love seeing results of my efforts, even if they're not on the scale. What joy I have that I have I not given up!

Lesson Learned or Workout 16 of 24 for May

When you run Couch to 5K, it is expressed repeatedly the importance of a "break day". Between your running days, you are supposed to take a day to either rest, or do a different form of exercise.

Saturday I woke up excited for the day, energized to run, to try to finally conquer Week 3 Run 3, so I can move onto Week 4. Keep in mind that I just ran the day prior...

I set out around noon, about 4 1/2 hours later than normal. I had a new playlist, which was a little more peppy than the one I had. I did not drink much water beforehand... Essentially, I welcome the fates to be against me.

The new playlist is like forming a new relationship. It was almost exhausting, but when I get the rhythm of it, I'm sure it will be lovely. The dehydration was a problem. It was warm out...

Of the four runs --two short, two long-- I took 10-15 second breaks on ALL OF THEM. It was utter fail. I was exhausted. It was so sad. It was almost embarrassing, but only I knew it, and now, you. The rest of the day I was in tremendous pain. My legs hurt so very, very much. And not just my muscles. My joints, my bones, my muscles. Pain pain pain. I suppose the rest day is to help strengthen what you're breaking down, and they are wise.

I still returned home, but I was beaten down. Sunday I took my usual Sunday break. And today, Monday, I took a break. Tuesday I will run again, with a more rejuvenated spirit, and sense of healing and ability. If I run week 3 for 7 weeks, so be it.

I've gained five pounds. I assume all muscle, since I've lost inches.

The best part about Saturday? I discovered kids chase babies like dogs chase cars. Since it was later in the day, I had a few little girls that saw the stroller and kept my pace around their cul-de-sac, in order to talk with Peach, and tell me what a beautiful baby I have. It made me laugh despite my frustration, and I was thankful.

Groundhog Day or Workout 12 of 24 for May

For those of you who have not seen the movie Groundhog Day, it is about a man who wakes up on Groundhog Day, goes about his day, and goes back to bed. He wakes up the next morning, and it once again, is Groundhog Day. He re-lives the same day over and over and over until he gets it right.

Last week I ran week 2 of Couch to 5k. It was... um... not awesome. I considered running the entire week over again, but then decided I would run week 2, day 3 over and over and over again until I felt confident to move up to week 3. Bummed that I wouldn't make the 9 week goal mark, I had to convince myself that confidence, rather than frustration, would ensure my success.

Prepared to do an entire week of 2.3 over and over and over again, I set off today, hesitantly, because I had hardly moved (except to put food in my mouth) all weekend.

Immediately I discovered obstacles. My socks. I wore little socks. What do you call them? Ankle socks? Bobby socks? They are shorter than ankle socks. And they started to fall.

It's amazing what you can talk yourself into ignoring, when you're determined.

Another obstacle was the rain, no, the pressure-washing that occurred right when I was ready to walk out the door. I literally stood there wondering if it was going to continue a while, or if it left, if it would return. At 10:15, I knew I had to get on the ball, if I were to return before Lambie's bus pulled up.

I headed out as soon as the rain stopped. It was actually quite refreshing.

My oddest obstacle was pain in my shins. No, it wasn't weird having pain in my shins. It was that I discovered that they were ONLY relieved through running. I'm not sure if running used a different part of my foot, or created a different impact, but it worked. If it weren't a matter of endurance, I would have ran the entire distance.

I did have some little joys. Peach was happy the whole time. I found a spot where teeny tiny pansies are growing out of the sidewalk cracks. Wednesday I will take a picture. "Here With Me" by Dido is a surprisingly great song to run to. You have to step in the offbeat to make it a perfect pace, but it's a perfect pace. In my head I'm concocting a great playlist for running.

That said, I ran every run, start to finish. The drooly, dorky smile that spread across my face, when I realized I had completely and confidently finished 2.3 was an incredible feeling.

I'm plum-tuckered out, but I feel accomplished. I look forward to Wednesday, beginning week 3.

Seeing Stars or Workout 11 of 24 for May

I have four rules when it comes to running. I saw a poster that said, "If you haven't puked(what a nasty word), fainted, or died, keep going." Plus, I have a friend, CB, who broke her leg running. So I have developed four rules with my running. If I throw up, faint, break anything, or die, I stop.

Today was run 3 for week two. It is the final run of week 2. The first two runs were okay. Not awesome, but okay. The third was a little tougher, and a person backing out of their driveway almost hit me. ARGH! It's amazing how many things you can imagine are headed right for you, when you almost get hit by a car. Scary business.

Between runs three and four, wanting to go home, but I was halfway done anyway, I reminded myself that I hadn't thrown up, fainted, broken anything, or died.... I would keep going. So I did.

I got about 20 seconds away from the end of run four, and it started. Stars. I was seeing stars. It didn't take me long to recognize the fact that if I fainted, I would land on concrete. Peach would be sitting there wondering what's up. I can't afford an ambulance, which would surely come. I slowed to a walk, and decided I would walk through run number five, and decided that was realistic.

Halfway through run five, I was much better, so I began running again.

Run six was awesome, and I felt good about myself.

That being said, I do not feel ready for next week's increase, so tomorrow I am going to run 2.3 again, hoping to leave week 2 in the past, confident with heading into week 3 of Couch to 5K.

Sweat, Etc. or Workout 9 of 24 for May

When I was discussing with The Captain, prior to beginning my workouts, we talked about the obstacles holding me back. One was sweating. I HATE sweating. In all of my years of athletics, I have never liked sweating. I think it's nasty. I understand it's a necessary evil, but I hate it. I hate that it's sticky. I hate that it smells bad. I hate that I'm so good at it.

Today, mid run (2.2 of Couch to 5K), I admired how horribly sweaty I was. I know when I've had a killer workout because my neck is sweaty. ew. I don't understand why we have to sweat, but I understand it's healthy if you do.

Why doesn't it taste good, or smell like heaven? I am not sure I'll ever get over it.

It was a hard run today. It was about 5 degrees warmer, this morning, which apparently makes a big difference, and not just in the sweat department. Run four, of six now, I walked for about five seconds, and run six, I did the same. It is so easy to go Fight Club on myself, and beat myself up over it, but like KNBO'R reminds me, you have to let it go, you are still running more than you were. I am afraid that by my run Friday, I will not be ready for the next increase. I am contemplating running Saturday as well. So that Monday will be easier.

Not that it will be easy. Today, I had the priveledge of seeing a man dragging a kayak down the street. (I live near the river.) He was moving faster than I was. During my cool down, there was a man running laps around me, essentially, making the running appear easy. How do men do that? How is it so easy for them? It was frustrating.

As I reached my front door, I reminded myself of something...

I was running laps around people doing what I was doing two weeks ago.

Maybe one day it will be easier. Maybe one day I'll sweat less, or look amazing doing it.