This Week's Running -- 5.2, 5.3, and 6.1 of Bridge to 10K

For those of you who know me well, you know I'm afraid of goats.  You might wonder why I have goats as my picture.  I suppose you will have to read on...

5.2 re-run --As you read, I did not have a good 5.2.  It was so defeating.  Monday I was leery to run again, but I had to try.  I wondered if I had reached my limit, unable to push myself further.  As I ran, I was thrilled at how well it was going.  I was waiting to crumble, and it never came.  HOORAY!  As I ran, I was able to enjoy something pretty fun.  As you know from previous blog posts, the park I run around has a separate section devoted to a dog park.  Because of this, plenty of people bring their dogs to the not-dog park.  (And pretend it's the dog park, which I will complain about until my face turns blue.  haha) 

This day, it was like the scene from 101 Dalmations where Pongo is watching the dogs and owners walk by, the owners looking exactly like human versions of their dogs.  Today was like that!  I almost laughed at the first man, with his Pug.  Then the athletic girl and her Boxer... The portly fellow with his Chow.  And finally the white, largely poofy haired lady with her large Poodle, hair cut the same as her own.  It was awesome.  Truly. 


5.3 - The Stomach Cramp of Death  --This run started out amazingly well.  I felt like I was on an upward trend in my running.  It felt so good.  I ran and ran.  During one of my laps, I saw a little black mouse cruising around the parking lot, so I ran over toward it, only to discover it was an ENORMOUS black spider.  *willies*  I am not afraid of spiders, but this one was alarming large.  Literally the size of a small mouse.  *shiver* 

Over the course of the run, I weakened, but then a second wind kicked in.  I had a smile on my face.  I was nearing the end of my last lap.  I knew I was going to have an amazing finish.  Then suddenly a side ache kicked in.  HARD.  It was a terrible surprise!  I couldn't believe how bad it felt.  I tried the tricks I've learned to rid myself of side aches.  I lifted my arms up, stretching out my sides, I slowed to a walk, the pain increasing, and finally, stopped.  I doubled over in pain, not wanting it to show, but unable to keep the pain from showing outwardly.  I finally understand the term "side-splitting", and understand the photos of marathoners who have crumbled from a stomach cramp.  It was hideous.  (And, while lessened, lasted through the whole next day.)  I walked home, sad about the end of my run. 

6.1 - Nearly Graduated -- I woke up this morning, and set out for my run about a half an hour before the sun came up.  It was SO COLD at 51 degrees.  My brother in law, a super duper marathoner, has told me that you are only cold for the first mile.  This day I put it to the test.  My hands were chilled, and I was COLD.  But he was right.  After the first mile, I was fine.  I didn't notice.  Is that a good thing? 

I was supposed to run 60 minutes straight today, which is the length of the final run of Bridge to 10K.  It is amazing to already be here, even with the two weeks I had off from my hip injury.  I was thrilled at how well I ran.  The first lap, I noticed a man with two dogs.  We were the only ones in the park, and it made me nervous.  Slowly people started to trickle in, and I felt better.  Safety in numbers, right? 

By lap three, the sun was coming up, and I was able to see better.  I discovered that the man, with the two dogs, also had about 100 goats.  I noticed that the trailer he had hauled also had goats in it, and when I ran by, the goats would crane their heads out to watch me.  It totally made me laugh!  Why had I not noticed them before?  It was hilarious!  And I'm afraid of goats!  I was happy to make my fifth and final lap, where I asked the man (while running) what the goats were for.  I learned that it was Goat Days.  There is a farmer (or a few farmers?) who bring their goats to my town to clean out the brush in the parks once per year.  The kids love to watch the... kids (haha), and this year, they are giving out samples of goat products, which makes me happy since my wee one can't have cow dairy, but CAN have goat dairy.  Ending my lap, I was glad to be exiting the park as all of the soccer teams were arriving.  I ran home, thrilled to have successfully ran for 60 minutes without breaks.  I felt amazing.  I had increased my speed gradually throughout the run, and knew I must have ran at least 5 miles.

I was bummed to discover I "only" ran 4.6 miles, but really, it's an accomplishment.  I know it is. (I just have to increase my running 1.5 miles an hour to truly graduate.  That stinks.)  Over the next two (three) runs, I am excited to see if I can increase that distance.  Genuinely, I am really amazed that I can run for so long without wanting someone to shoot me.  I actually like it, and look forward to Monday.

In the mean time, I'm going to see a man about a goat. 

Ode to Soccer Moms -- Week 5 Day 2

Okay, it's not really an "ode", but it sounds good.

I set my alarm to get up early, knowing that our temps were supposed to be up to 100, or at least high 90's today.  I slept in instead.  I was having a gripping dream about thermally unstable hot springs.  I know. 

By the time I set out for my run, it was 58.  Jeff Galloway has said that once you run in over 60 degree temps, your core heats up faster.  I think I believe him.  Within 15 minutes it was 62.  By the end of my run it was 68.  But let me tell you about my run. 

I actually started out pretty nervous.  My last run didn't go well, and I had my self-doubts.  I really wanted to make this work.  I actually left my home feeling dehydrated, so drank a little, but didn't want to be sloshy.  I started running like normal, all was well.  Then I entered the park.

It was like hitting a brick wall. 

There were HUNDREDS of people.  I had gotten used to my quiet Saturday mornings in the park.  I would wave at my "usual" park maintenance guy.  By the third lap, The Captain's church tennis friends start playing and I wave at them.  Sometimes you get the weekend warrior doing a quick trial run through the park, and that's it.  It's so lovely, and peaceful.

There were people EVERYWHERE.  And it was still pretty early in the day!  There were 3-5 kids soccer games being played.  It was incredible.  For every child playing, there were 1-5 other people watching them.  I ran my first lap (of the projected four) dodging, literally, cars that were trying to drive up the trail.  I actually noticed people watching me.  Like really, really turn their heads and look watching me.  I pressed on.  After one lap, I was very dehydrated (note, temp check).  There was a drinking fountain just off the trail, so I tried to hydrate the best I could without losing time.  And hopped back on the path. 

Again, I dodged cars, trucks, people walking laps who possibly don't know courtesy of moving to a side of the trail (I sincerely don't mean to sound bitter - it was like the Twilight Zone.  I was invisible. -except to the staring onlookers.).  Twice I had to literally stop and wait for full sized SUV's to do a three-point turn.  Is there not a way for them to just pause and let me run by???  So strange.  This is how soccer moms get their reputation, I'm afraid.  Sigh...  Although many of my friends are soccer moms and quite lovely people...  It was a fight trying to run like a "normal person", but I was willing to give it a go.

I completed lap two, started on the third, ahead of schedule and saw stars.  I pondered whether these were dehydration stars or an anxiety attack from being around hundreds of people, stars. 

Dehydration. 

I walked home.  I was pleased that I went 2.25 miles in my time.  I believe, had I continued on pace, despite the ridiculous increase in temperature, I may have made at least 4.5 miles.  I wish it were more, but it was okay considering. 

Monday I will run 5.2 again, with a lot less people, and a lot less heat.  And I will hope beyond hope that it's a good run.  I need a good run.

And to the soccer moms reading this:  I envy you... I have one child not coordinated enough to play, and the one who is coordinated enough is not interested.  It looked like a lot of fun out there. 

After all, I've always wanted to make someone a human speed bump. *snicker*  Okay, just kidding. 

Game on.

The Dead Calm -- Week 5 Day 1 of Bridge to 10K

I don't even know where to begin.  We all have bad running days, right?  It's days like today that I wonder what business I have signing up for a half marathon.  I started out motivated enough.  It wasn't a lack of motivation. 

I started running at the running point just fine.  By the half mile point, I was tired.  I was literally wishing for a second wind, when the first hadn't even kicked in yet.  I noticed everything.  I couldn't focus.  I even noticed that the trail was warmer near the trees.  Seriously.  I did two laps before the halfway point, but it was a fight the whole way.  I did a third lap, and decided to head out to the cul-de-sacs.  I ran them all, stopping for an additional 1 minute walk when I had 10 minutes left (5.1 is 2, 22 minute runs with a 1 minute walk break in between, and a warm up and cool down. 55 minutes total.  Should be easy.).  I felt like I had been running for an eternity.  I hated every single moment of it.  Every one.  It was hard and frustrating.  Where was my power?  Where was my wind?

Toward the end I passed a jogger moving slower than I was, tears pouring down her face, sorrow emanating from her.  Perhaps my first and second wind were given to her.  I surely hope so.  I didn't need today as much as she did. 

I will try again another day.  Today I will be glad for my 3.2 miles.  Another day the wind will fill my sails.

Running Faster and Jumping Higher -- 4.3 of Bridge to 10K

Today I was presented with a lovely surprise.  It was Auntie Outings day where my sister, ES, takes my kids for the morning, and they do whatever they feel.  Usually breakfast, sometimes video games.  Sometimes shopping.  ES asked me if I would go too.  This of course would mean giving up "me" time, but I confess I've always been curious about what the heck they do while they're out.  Lambie was pretty upset to learn I was going, and told me I was grounded from being her mom.  Except I could give her hugs.  I just couldn't tell her what to do.  That was Auntie's job.  Fine by me.

After a lovely breakfast, ES took me to a surprise shop.  I thought she needed to pick up a running item for herself, since she has taken up running as well.  You can imagine my surprise when she told me to pick out some shoes.  :)  The salesperson was very helpful, and we found a pair of Nike Pegasus that were perfect for me.  They are a little too raspberry pink for my tastes, but I don't care.  I have running shoes!  Real-live running shoes!  I put them on and ran around the store.  I was so excited.  I had already run that day (the 6.06 mile day), so I would have to wait until Monday. 

When I was a kid, I would always think new shoes made you run faster and jump higher.  I would go around my home running and jumping.  My poor mother.  And siblings.  I was so excited when Monday came and I could run in them.  I ran and ran and ran.  I paid attention to my ankles, ooooh'd over how straight my feet lined up with each step, how my pinky toes didn't fall asleep any more when I ran...  wonderful wonderful wonderful.  I would like to thank my sponsor. 

I did notice my bum hurting more.  Oh well.  I could always use a little more definition there.  And then the backs of my thighs.  Again, oh well.  And then my calves....  This is all good for me.  I am going to be a better, stronger runner.  I love that my feet are nestled in the shoes.  I love that my running was not so labored.  Hard still, yes, but I wasn't fighting with my feet and legs so much.  So thankful...

4.77 miles.  I am a happy runner. 

She's a Maneater -- Week 4 Day 2 of Bridge to 10K

(Pretend I wrote this Saturday the 3rd.)

I *should* have run yesterday. It was only Peach and I, but I was having a hard day. The day prior was horrible. There is no other way to describe it, and it is not an exaggeration.

I hate days like that. I think of when I worked at a bistro, as a young adult, and a coworker, T, said, "You have to make sure that the lipstick marks come off of the mugs. We don't need men to have another reason to hate us." Oh, what care we take in make sure men don't hate us... Yet, and this is my bitter self talking, what do men do to make sure we don't hate them? I fear I do not have a good track record with men. I have been in abusive relationships. Cheating (no, I don't mean kiss another girl while we're dating. But that's happened too.) relationships. Lies, pain, etc etc. I have seen good men fall. I have thought the line from Star Wars III many times in regards to previously good men, "You were supposed to be the chosen one!" Why oh why can't men live up to themselves? Forget expectations! Be the man you said you'd be. Be the person you are.

Two days ago, I had THREE men close to me do negative things of different severity that greatly impacted my being. Friday my mom encouraged me to go running, knowing how cathartic it is for me, and how healing. I didn't. Sorry Mom. Usually I listen to my mom. I swear I do.

I ran Saturday instead. I ran and I ran. I thought and I thought. I ran and ran and ran. And at one point my thoughts turned to my running, and I realized I was booking it! I mean, really, I was hauling booty down the trail! I wasn't feeling bad, so I kept it up. And I thought. I was mad. I was hurt. I was done. I wondered why men wonder why there are "angry chicks" in the world. I will tell you sometimes it takes a conscious effort to forgive the few good for all of the wrong doings of the used-to-be-good and the always-bad men.

I don't want to be a "maneater". I really know some wonderful men in the world. As I ran I thought of those wonderful men, and wondered if they had secret problems, obsessions, selfish behaviors. I wondered if there are really any good men left. I know there are. I know there must be. At least 85...

I ran all of my frustration out. I don't even know how many laps I did around the park. But I think five??? I remember passing by the soccer goals wondering if anyone ever used them. The next loop, I saw a man out there, pulling them to the field. (!) Then the next loop I saw him talking to a buddy. Another loop the buddy was drawing chalk lines on the field. Another loop they both were measuring the chalk lines. That's five right? I'm not even sure. I went ahead and ran out of the park, and onto the street. I had to be near done. I wasn't even paying attention. I ran down a cul-de-sac, something I hadn't done in a while, then another, another, another. I got a prompt I had 10 minutes left. I ran toward home, breezing by. I ran down the street of the homes of the river, and back. And THEN it said to cool down. WOW.

My distance was 6.06 miles.

I've decided when it's time for the Half Marathon, I need someone to be really awful to me the day prior, so I can run out the nasty. haha.

P.S. Don't worry about my man-rant. My trust may have weakened, but I know that so much of the good in the world has been from the hands of good men. I just need to rebuild trust... And forgive them when they leave lipstick on coffee mugs.

Four Months In! Reporting for August!

Oh that I were around during the Marilyn Monroe days where curvy was amazing. But I'm not. And that's okay! I'm becoming healthier and happier!

I wasn't looking forward to this month's report because taking two weeks off of running to heal from my injury could not fare well, right?

I was nicely surprised! First, I put on my big size 10 pants the other day, and they FIT. WELL. No muffin tops. I didn't try on my regular size 10's because I didn't want to destroy my happiness. ;)

I was happy to see I have lost almost 4 lbs this month, making a 20 pound TOTAL LOSS! TWENTY!!! That's so awesome. I could get forlorn that 20 lbs in 4 months is so slow and steady, but honestly, if I lose another 20 by Christmas, I'll feel like a new woman. I feel like a new woman now! So incredible!

As far as measurements, I have lost this month:
1/4" on each upper arm totalling 1 1/4" each
1/2" on each thigh, totalling 1 3/4" each
1/2" from my waist totalling 2"
and 3/4" from my hips totalling 2 1/2" loss.

Also, I wanted to start totalling what I'm running per month, how many miles. I decided I'm going to head two directions at once: Disneyland, and Disneyworld. (I'm an amazing multi-tasker.) I don't know what will happen when I reach those virtual distance goals, but we'll see. I have some time to come up with something.

In May I ran 23.5 miles
June (total including May) 50.4 miles
Couch to 5K completion 70.2 miles
July total 81 miles
August total to date 107 miles.
I have essentially run from Wilsonville to Cottage Grove! (Heading East, I think I'm around Warm Springs???) And I'm going to keep going! I have a long way to go... but it's fun to track.

I'm so pleased. I am excited that this is working. I'm excited that I enjoy it! I'm coming to terms with how long it's taking because it's becoming predictable and I'm realizing it's constant. There was a saying I read a few months ago that your body keeps an accurate journal. Yes, it does......

Bring on September!

Racking Up the Miles -- 4.1 of Bridge to 10K

It is HARD recovering from an injury. I have had a hard time getting my "groove" back, and finding my pace, and then maintaining it. I have felt remarkably (miraculously) well, and have enjoyed running again!

Upon entering the park, I decided I would run the other direction. It completely messed with my head. This makes me absolutely certain of two things: 1) I should probably change my route more often, and 2) I am never changing my route again. I suppose that means I will try it now and then, when I need some changes.

It was really a non-eventful run. No sprinklers to avoid, most dogs were on their leashes, etc etc. I have found that the park maintenance fellas have come to recognize me. They wave and say hello now when they didn't before. I could pick them out of a crowd. I suppose that's a good thing. It means I'm out a lot!

On my return run I started thinking of the changes of my body. This is really hard for me to talk about. I feel like I wasted my "beautiful" years (no, not searching for compliments, just expressing feelings) doing random nonsense. My eyes aren't as big and beautiful as they used to be, and bags have made permanent residence... My skin is more tired and less fresh. My hair is scraggly and has more greys than I can count (this is new). I feel... old. I want to talk to my mom about what is going on with my body because frankly, I've never gone through this sort of aging before. I seem to hold onto illness longer than I used to. My metabolism is a pathetic mess. I used to be athletic. I used to look like happiness. I am just getting old I think.

Which made me wonder if I was trying to re-find my youth through running. I'm not sure if I am, but I do want to have energy, and spunk, and look like happiness. We'll see where it takes me.

I was feeling pretty pathetic about the distance of today's run, regardless of coming out of a hip injury. So I decided to add up my approximations (I only just hooked up GPS) of my runs thus far. I will be adding my amounts to my month end reports!

I decided I would run "to Disneyland" and also "to Disneyworld". I know, I'm so flexible and great at multi-tasking. I want to see how long it would take me to get there, and who knows, maybe I'll reward myself with something grand when I reach my goals. Considering it's a great distance off, I have time to think of it.

The best thing about adding up my miles and seeing them on a map? Being amazed at how very very far I've run, already!

And many more........

P.S. My month end, tomorrow, will have the stats for how many miles per month, through August.

Back From the Dead -- 3.3 of Bridge to 10K

I blogged about what if felt like to not run. I am amazed at how forlorn I felt to not run, how lame and pathetic I felt. I think there is a definite difference between taking intentional time off, and taking unintentional time off.

I had no choice. These are the times I wish I had insurance. I can't get insurance because I had cancer recently and it's considered pre-existing, beyond the fact that I was denied anyway when I was expecting because I was assumed "infertile". There might be a problem with Obamacare, but there is definitely a problem with current care! Without insurance, I have learned it is impossible to find a general practitioner who will take you as a new patient, and mine retired.

I definitely needed medical attention. Every step I took it felt as though the top of my femur had a knife attached to it. It was right in the ball and socket, not running down my leg, or in my groin like all tendon and muscular injuries. Both hips hurt at one point, but I discovered that to be the abductor, and I did exercises to relieve the pain, and bring healing. The knife pain continued throughout these last two weeks. It was literally, crippling. I would be walking like normal, and then something would happen, shooting the pain into my being. If caught unaware, I would cry out, but often I would bite my lip, close my eyes, and keep trying to walk, tough and strong and drama-free.

It got better, and then it got worse, then better again. Three days ago I had a day of no pain. I could have cried with relief. Two days ago I had one episode of alarming pain, but it passed quickly. Yesterday I felt strong and capable.

I missed running so much, and did not feel like giving up. I went to bed last night deciding today would be the day. I would do what I can, and at any moment of alarm, I was prepared to stop.

I set off at a slower pace. The entire run was a slower pace. Apparently my feet had been dipped in cement. It felt good to be out there, but I was out there to be moving, not to break personal records. The first mile I felt some dull pain at my injury point, but I don't think I would have noticed it, had I not been looking for it. I continued to run. I ran, and ran, and ran. At the halfway point I knew I could do it. At the last lap, I knew I could do it. At the five minute warning, I knew I was doing it. I fought the entire way.

I noticed my running, and what my feet do when I run. They absolutely over-pronate. I end up doing this weird ankle rotating thing to make up for it. I could see how actual, correct running shoes would help prevent injury, and I look forward to be able to purchase some in 4 weeks! I wish it were today, but I will wait.

I ran 3.7 miles, about 1/2 mile less than I "should have", but I don't care. I am so happy to be out there again, running. It is what I do. I might be as slow as molasses, but I am happy as a clam. Peach seemed excited for me too. I'm not sure if she sensed the feeling, but she kept giving me "five" and hugging me. What an absolute thrill!

It's the Little Things

I wrote a blog earlier this week about how hard it is to not run. I haven't posted it yet. Sitting here tonight, I wonder what in the world I ought to blog about. It's not that I don't think of things to say, or have nothing I'm grateful for. I just wonder if I have any words of value.

I could tell you random things like... I forgot to put sunscreen on my two older children today at the water park. Normally they just tan anyway. Except today, apparently. I successfully won the Worst Mother August 2011 award!

Bear had a therapy appointment, and Peach and Lambie were well attended to by my friend SC. She is not afraid to watch Peach, who cries when I leave.

The Captain really struggles with being alone with Peach. (read: tears) This makes me feel a lot of things, but mainly I will focus on patience, because I know the time will come when it won't be so hard for him, and she won't "need" me like she used to. I will deal.

Summer is vanishing! The kids and I have had such a wonderful, wonderful summer. Seriously my best summer maybe.... since '94. So happy. I'm not even exaggerating. I wish I had another month, or twelve.

I read on my friends blog some simple things she is thankful for, each week. I think I would like to give it a go. With my darn hip being grouchy, and no doctor, or insurance, I really REALLY need to find a way to be joyful for the small things that keep me afloat, spiritually and mentally! My dear friend EM and I used to celebrate tiny successes, and say "It's the little things!", as in, it is the little things that make us happy, and if we focus on them, our joy will be greater.

1. Gerbera daisies are sweet, colorful happy flowers that I enjoyed planting today.

2. Watching Project Runway with friends each week is so cathartic! Not the show, per se, but the friendships and chatter.

3. I bowled over 100 Wednesday! That's pretty awesome for me!

4. My family is going to celebrate my grandpa's 90th birthday on Saturday. How I love him! I am so thankful that my older children will have tender memories of him.

5. I learned I can get student insurance for $200/mo! This is terrific! Actually, it's really really awesome!! Just in time for my next round of cancer tests - which they won't count as pre-existing since my last tests will be just over 6 months ago! So pleased!

6. It is DS and SS - my brother and sister-in-law's 10th anniversary. I'm so happy for them, that they have loved so well these years.

7. I have had a week of terrific parking spots - close, shaded... amazing. As my dad would say, "Someone's living right!"

I fell asleep while typing (who does that?), so I'm picking up where I left off.

8. I made a blueberry cheesecake for the first time in my life, and it turned out divine!

9. I've been more social, and have loved it. Good friends are awesome!

10. I was able to wear a shirt that had previously been too small. Sweet.

It's a good life....

Hitting the Streets

I hate not running.

As the days have passed since I last ran, I feel BIGGER. I feel sadder. I feel irritable. I feel as out of shape as I was four months ago. I feel like my days are passing me by that I could be improving myself. It's hard!

I'm going to try to run because this is really bothering me to stay grounded. My body feels much better. I have realized I hurt most when I am wearing heels (sad!) or carrying Peach on my hip, or other activities where my hips aren't square. I've been doing hips strengthening exercises every day, and they seem to have helped quite a bit!

So what do I do for my first run back? Pick up where I left off? Go back a week? Or just run to see how far I can go?

I need my brain back, my body back, my heart back. I am a better person when I run.

I swear I'll be careful. When my hip(s) hurt, it's so intense that I can't help but be careful. I'll let you know how it goes.

Broken Strings or 3.2 of B210K

I was dragging my feet a little, getting my run started this morning. I took my car in to the shop to be worked on for a check engine light, and I fear it left me deflated. Then we learned that The Captain's boss did not want him to bother working while his truck was out of commission. Unfortunately, his time off is unpaid. Again, deflated. Wilted. It wasn't even 9am. I got on my running clothes, and headed out, certain a good run would help my psyche.

I walked my warm up, as usual, and when it was time to run, I literally jogged three steps, and crumbled, falling to the ground. My right hip had given out, and it felt as though it wasn't even there. I felt like a marionette whose string had gotten cut. I could make it move, but it was like the hip bone wasn't talking to the leg bone.

You see, a few days ago, my hip socket started hurting. BADLY. But The Captain has a severely injured knee (remember, we have no health insurance), and I feared complaining about my hip would only make it sound like I was trying to steal his thunder. Plus, I didn't want anyone telling me I couldn't/shouldn't run. Usually when I run anyway, the pain fades, and I am strong again.

I tried to run again, and stumbled. I could not, physically, run. AT ALL. Despite my best efforts. Tears welled both from the pain and from the uncertainty of my future in running. This was serious, and scary. I knew I could walk though. So I would walk my hour, when I should have been running. I walked as fast as I could, and found myself starting to run. About 3-4 minutes into the first run, I started running. And then I would walk, and then run, and then walk.... A LOT.

My second run I ran the entire length (I am doing 3, 17 minute runs now. With a 1 minute walk break between.), and was feeling..... bad. It was bad enough I didn't even feel accomplished. The pain was coursing down my leg to the top of my foot. It was time to stop. So I walked, and walked and walked... the remaining time.

My total distance was a mere 3.25 miles, which I am fine with, considering.

After reading about what could be going on, it sounds like my hip flexor is pretty angry. So, ice, yoga, warm, yoga, ice. I'm taking good care of my poor little (haha) leg. I already feel stronger since this morning, and I hope that tomorrow will be equally healing.

Sometimes I curse that I've signed up for a Half Marathon, but truly, it keeps me wanting and yearning, and pressing on when it's hard. It keeps me focused. I need to find a way to do it because running has been so much more to me than a physical strengthening.


P.S. Bonus points for whoever can place what movie those marionettes in my picture are from. I found myself singing the song they sang, even while Gwen Stefani was playing loudly in my ears.

I Swear I've Been Running 2.2, 2.3, 3.1 of B210K

Sometimes I feel like I explain my whole life on Facebook, so I feel like there's no need to share. Except that this is really a journal of something great... My journey. I can explain myself more deeply and correctly that I can in a paragraph of summarized deep thoughts.

Let me tell you about some running experiences I've had...

Last week I ran Week 2, Day 2 of Bridge to 10K. The run was relatively uneventful. However, my GPS said I ran 3.94 miles, and I was kind of bummed! I wished I had known I was SO close to 4 miles, I would have pushed myself harder. As it was, I took two walking breaks that were unscheduled. They were brief... See, had I blogged, this would be A TON more exciting than this, which appears to be a Facebook status update. haha. Sad I've lost it, since I neglected to record it.

The rest of the week was saturated with more obstacles than were realistic for me to run the third run of the week. It was VERY frustrating. I decided I would deal, and move on to 2.3 on Monday.

Monday came and my three kids seemed eager to go out. Except I couldn't get them ready. AT ALL. hmmm... Finally we were out the door, but my timing had to be perfect because of the necessarily post-run shower, and a doctor's appointment for Lambie.

We went to the school track, because it is easiest to watch my kids from the track loop. They played a while, while I ran (wow! How often can you say "while while" and have it make sense. Funny you pronounce them differently... nerd alert, sorry.) it was relatively easy.... My kids were playing on their scooter, and ran with me here and there. They tried to play with Peach, who was in the stroller, Bear tried to hold my hand and run with me, and for the warmup wanted to listen to my iPod with me. So sweet!

Throughout the run, there were two young girls who each did a lap and vanished. It was seriously bizarre. You would think I would see them heading off some direction, but no. I thought about how "unnaturally" thin they were (know that I understand there are ectomorph body types in this world. Their thinness just led me to think...), and pondered the future of my two beautiful daughters. Would they be horribly self conscious of the ample thighs and booty they may well inherit from their mother? How hard would they try to be thin? How would I know when it's a problem? I confess I was glad when they each left so that my mind would stop worrying.

With each minute that ticked by, I was amazed with myself, but was more and more tired. My legs were starting to ache, but I pressed on. The kids started wanting a countdown of minutes. I was amazed how well this propelled me. I continued a practice I would do during Couch to 5K of dropping a clover flower every loop I go. Although my GPS was on, I still liked the verification. I'm very precise and meticulous.

My run was over, and I had just dropped my 16th clover flower. 4 miles. My GPS read 3.85 miles. This is an impossible discrepancy, isn't it? It's either 3.75 or 4... ??? I know I did 4. So there it is. I had looked forward to this day, reaching 4 miles, and it was so weird, that I was a little... let down.

The day after 2.3 I walked to the park for a picnic the congregation of my church was having. On the way back, I was pushing Peach in the stroller, and we passed a youngish new mom, pushing her stroller, wearing a super cute workout outfit, sunglasses, iPod, tank top, with coordinating hoodie strategically drooping off of one shoulder. As she saw Peach, she pointed for her distracted young son, and yelled (unaware of her volume) "BABY! LOOK! BAAAAABY!" It was a terrific site, and I had a good laugh.

I feel I'm not doing what I'm doing for looks, like she was... But then, I am. I suppose so I can be gorgeous the OTHER minutes of the day. I'll get there someday.

Run 3.1 was Wednesday of this week. I loved it. The Captain was home, waiting for his carpool to work. I got to set off on my own, a rare treat. It's always weird running without a stroller, now. Without the stroller, for some reason, it takes a long time to find my rhythm, without feeling like I'm running like Will Ferrell when he thinks he's on fire in Talledega Nights (except not nekkid). I finally caught my stride, which I need to perfect, but a stride nonetheless.

I passed a mom running with her two teen boys. You could say they "needed" to run, for the visual... I was proud of them. They did the best they could for a very long time. Each time I passed them, I told them they were doing great, and to keep going! They smiled and thanked me with each passing.

At one point I passed two ladies who must have been in their 70's. They were saying how everyone was blowing by them, directed at me. At that point, I had my one minute break to walk, so I told them that I wasn't running prior to May 1st, but decided to reclaim my body. One of them said, "You are surely doing that!" And then, "We just saunter. And we are thankful for that." I loved it. I thought about it all day. When I am 70+, sauntering might be my only option, and I want to be thankful that 1) I'm 70+, and 2) I can still move, with my wits about me. But for now, I run. And I am so thankful for the ability to do so.

My distance for 3.1 was 4.11 miles. I am bummed it wasn't further, but I am really happy with how long and far I'm going. I did the run without extra walk breaks, and I'm excited to do 3.2 on Saturday.

3 Months In! - Reporting My Physical Changes Thus Far

I just want to start by saying, choosing to only weigh and measure once per month is so good for me! I am afraid I would fixate week by week, and be much more emotional, with how slow it's going. But it's going! Whatever I'm doing is working, and that's a great feeling!

This month I had a trip to Disneyland, courtesy of my lovely sister, ES. I managed to not pig out, and wasn't really even tempted to. I was thankful! I actually counted calories, and did very well with that. I didn't do well with it the entire month though, and I'm curious if I did maintain that tenacity, if I would see better results.

One of the greatest changes I've seen are my clothes are starting to either fit better, or fit BIG on me! I was telling ES that I'm used to buying clothes because my old clothes are too small, but not the other way around! I'm not to that point yet, but I'm getting there! I noticed that my running pants that, while they weren't TIGHT when I went to Disneyland in March, they nearly were. Now the same pants are LOOSE. As in, almost too big for me, loose. Not falling off me yet though. ;) Still, what a very very very cool and foreign feeling! Bring it on!

This month I lost 4.8 pounds. I was hoping to have dropped the additional .2 pounds, so I kept getting off and getting back on the scale to see if it would drop. It maintained, so 4.8 it is. To date I have lost 16 and (almost) 1/2 pounds! That's so awesome! I would love to lose another 15 in three months! Sure, I'd love to lose 15 pounds in ONE month, but working like I am, it's taking it off and getting rid of it for good, and that's a great feeling.

Measurement-wise, my hips are down 2 inches, my waist is down 1 3/4 inches, thighs 1 1/2 inches each, and arms 1 1/4 inches each. SO HAPPY! I am becoming me!

Realizing I am now the size I was when The Captain and I were reunited almost four years ago, I am really pleased. I can see where, in the past, I would see this as a happy spot to stop and enjoy the scenery from my self-imposed plateau of happy memories. However, I am going to keep it up, and just see what happens!

The coolest change (besides completing the Couch to 5K program and moving onto Bridge to 10K) was walking by the restroom mirror today and realizing that my side thigh muscle above my knee is becoming defined! As I walk I look more muscular instead of just a mass, and I love that. Also, my arms are becoming more defined. It is amazing to see my body return to where it should be. What I am doing is right for my body, and it shows!

Let the fat burning resume!

I Had a Dream...Once --B210K 2.1

My parents live in the same city as I do. It's a big part of what brought me here. When I decided that I would start training for a 10K, I mapped out how far it was to my parents. It was not as far as 10K! Very happy. I would make running to their home part of my training. It became a dream to be able to run all the way to their house, and back.

Today I thought I would start heading that way, and see how far I would go. Basing my distance on my virtual running partner, KNBO'R's, run from yesterday, I plotted out 3.6 miles, knowing that with a new run, there were be obstacles I've never encountered before, and may not make it as far as she did, about 3.75 miles.

I have walked most of this area before, and driven the rest. I had two fears: Going under I-5 at the river's edge (there is a hidden paved path), and how steep the hill was on my return trip at a different portion that goes under I-5.

I stepped out of the house, later than I wanted, but I still did it. I discovered my app wasn't working, so I turned off the phone, turned it on, and lo and behold, the battery was near dead! My phone does this sometimes... loses battery juice and keeps it a secret... I decided I would run the 2008 cro-magnon method and use my timer. I wanted to keep my phone functional in case of emergency.

As I walked toward the first skeeeery point, the terrain went up up Up UP UUUUPPPP! Oh brother. Nice. I had forgotten since I walked it last summer. I trudged along and got through it. Going under I-5 was only moderately terrifying, but I was glad it was broad daylight. I reached the major road on the West side of I-5 and discovered...no sidewalks. Oh well, I'll play "The jogger and stroller are a bike today" game. The further north I went on this major road, the busier it got. I passed by business after business, and realized I must have gotten over my imaginary audience issue. However, I keep waiting for half of my Facebook friends to post that they saw me. That's nice.

I got to the corner of the major intersection and discovered an obstacle I didn't account for. Crosswalks with lights. UGHHHHHH... I made it work, and ran and ran and ran. I know how thankful cars are (because I usually am one) when you run THROUGH the crosswalk, rather than two steps and then walk the rest of the way. haha. I ran and ran and ran. I was amazed at the amount of exhaust, but kept going. I realized I left my inhaler at home (nice). I made it to what I knew from pre-mapping to be my halfway mark, and crossed the street again, and ran... and ran and ran. I encountered construction, but it wasn't in my way. I ran back toward the busy busy intersection with full intent to not return the way I came, but to go forward, creating a loop. Upon further plodding, I discovered the sidewalk ended. (ARGH!!!) I had to go into the bike lane. And then the bike lane HAD to move in between two lanes of traffic. Do you know what it's like sitting in the absolute middle of busy traffic with your baby in a jogging stroller, prepping to go under I-5? It's so bad. So bad.

As soon as I could, I skirted over to the side again, and discovered the bike lane was half chewed up by construction. The construction area was loose sediment, and near impossible to push a stroller through. Forget running. I pondered if it was safer to be outside the cones into traffic, or within the cones into construction. I opted for construction because they weren't close enough that I could hear their phones ringing, like I could with the traffic going by.

The dust from the construction, the exhaust, the major hills... I wasn't expecting any of it, or I greatly underestimated it. If I wanted cross country, this was surely it.

As soon as I could, I ducked into a parking lot that cut through to the major street that leads to my home. Cars did what they usually do, and poured into the parking lot, slowing quickly in alarm at the silly jogger pushing her baby. They were so courteous though, and I was thankful. This was not turning out as I had planned.

I got to the major street, which parallels I-5. So pleasant. I knew there was a bike lane there, so my plan was to bike lane and then sidewalk the entire way down the massive hill. Unfortunately a healthy portion of the bike lane was about 16 inches wide. This was not wide enough to navigate myself or my sweet baby safely enough down a hill and around blind curves. I had put us in peril and I was really upset. I decided to make my route longer, and go where I knew it'd be safe. I had driven it before. I knew my way.

And yet, I knew my way in the car, and not by foot. I snaked hither and yon, finding the way home. I was thankful to be home. I obviously went further than predetermined, and ran longer than intended. I walked more than intended too, but I ran every moment I could.

I will never do that again. Or I will do it with more precaution and planning, and a better route. I have learned that the view from the driver's seat is different from the view from your feet. I am glad there was varying terrain and I did well. My legs didn't hurt too badly despite the hills, and my breathing was consistent. Peach was awesome the whole time. And my phone didn't die. Barely.

Thursday I'm just going to keep doing the .8 mile loops at the park over and over. I'd rather not be in danger, or be an obstruction. One day I will run to my parents. It will just be earlier in the day, and on a well, preplanned route!

I welcomed the shower, and now will be welcoming a well-earned nap, in my humble opinion. I can't wait until Thursday. I will never take for granted my sleepy neighborhood again!

For My First Girl - My Threnody Jenae (sensitive material)

Eleven years since I saw your face.
Eleven years since I said "goodbye."
Eleven years of not being the same,
Since the moment I learned you were mine.



I never felt your breath on my skin.
I never felt your warmth on my chest.
I never felt the way a first mom feels,
The joy and elation, disturbing rest.

But I did feel you grow.
And I did feel you move.
And I did know your name,
Learning everything that was you.

All you were was everything to me.
All you were was my girl.
All you were was a moment in time,
You are still a part of my world.

I can only hope for forever.
I can only pray to be your mom again.
I can only be the best I can be,
So that I might be with you in Heaven.

May I be tried and tested and be found worthy.
I will always be yours, and you will always be mine.

I'd Rather Be Chased By a Man Than a Dog... Scratch That -- 1.3 of B210K

There are days, where although I have learned to love running, I don't want to go out. Saturday I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to make the kids' Fun Run an excuse to not do MY run. I wasn't loathing the idea of running, I just wasn't looking forward to it.

It was a really lovely morning. The temperature was moderate (for running), but the sun was still low, and it was peaceful out.

I was a pessimist because I had had such frustrating runs lately, but I prepped the best I could, including lacing my shoes loosey goosey, and set out.

I have had three wonderful friends suggest that my numb foot issue was because of a common problem of legs being irregular lengths. Fortunately I've already had my legs and hips tested, and much to the surprise of the doctors who checked (for my back injury in 2002), my legs are the exact same length. So I know that's out. I'm going with the too small of shoes, since I haven't gotten fit for running shoes, which you're supposed to buy a little large in case of swelling. My cross trainers fit exactly right for being cute little tennies.

Running into the park, knowing I had three loops to do, was both exciting (look how far I can run!) and hideous (look how far I have to run!). It was so barren and quiet. Where my virtual running partner, KNBO'R, comes up with lovely ideas of Harry Potter come to life when she hears a coyote, I come up with terrible concoctions in my head of attack by unleashed dogs.

You see, at this lovely park, there is a dog park that is very well used. Unfortunately for those of us who do not own/adore our four-legged comrades, it brings a feeling of unease to see dogs running hither and yon without leashes, in a public place. Of course if I ever have a dog, who I would know is safe, it would not bother me one bit. I must live up to my double standard.

As I ran, I jokingly thought to myself that I would rather be chased by a man (as in hubba hubba) than a dog. At that moment, on run three, finishing loop two, in the corner of my eye, I was startled to see a dog tearing after me! My heart went straight into my throat and I jumped off the trail to avoid the dog! Fortunately it wasn't snarling, or really "chasing", but rather "following" me. BLAH!!!! I continue running, the dog still following me. My heartrate returning to normal.

THEN out of the corner of my eye, I see something much bigger approaching! A MAN! Again, heart+throat+jump out of the way. It was a jogger. I swear. Maybe I need to change my music to The Carpenters.

The man was just a man jogger. I have come to learn man joggers must be men who practice for years on a treadmill before they go outside. Men joggers are FAST. And none of them sweat. And they all look like professionals. It's so rude.

The dog was still following me. Turning completely around, I see this poor 20something girl in flip flops, short shorts, and bohemian blouse, with long, dark curly hair and sunglasses (at 8am???), running as best she could after her little escape artist. Trying to call the dog off, and send it back, it was having too much fun following me. So I turned around and ran back to his owner, knowing the dog would follow me, but not listen to reason. Poor girl. (Yet I can't help but cynically think "why'd she take the dog off the leash at the regular park if she can't chase after it?" sigh.)

I finished my third of four runs, further than my other two runs, and feeling amazing. I don't know if it was the adrenaline that brought my second wind, but I was happy for it. I saw The Captain's tennis playing friends (from church) at the park, and waved.

And I ran home. I was part-way through my cool down when I realized what I did. I completed the run I didn't think I could do! 53 minutes start to finish (including warm up and cool down)!

I can't wait for week 2! As much as I dread always having to push myself and try hard EVERY day, I love learning that I can do this.

I loved that my foot finally didn't go numb.

I am glad I learned that I would rather be chased by a dog than a man.

I am thankful The Captain thinks it would be wise for me to run with mace.

I am afraid I'll mistake it one day for my inhaler.

HAHAHA.

Wouldn't that make a fun, horrifying story?

Uncomfortably Numb - 1.2 of B210K

I'm very proud of today's picture. hee hee. There is a story to go with it, but first, I would like you to take a moment for a sweet little chuckle...



After Tuesday's challenging run, I talked with The Captain about what I should do for today's run, children-wise. It turned out the only time I could go was in the heat of the day. Now given our locale, I *know* the heat of the day is some people's lows, but it's still hot for me. Plus, I never do well with evening runs.

I made dinner, but didn't eat it. It was great for my family to do something while I ran. I ate afterward.

I made sure my laces were nice and loose today, and during the warm up, I worried that my shoe was actually too loose, and would slip around on my foot. haha. I coped.

As I ran down the street I always run down, there were people out, more than normal. They were riding bikes, gardening, washing cars, watering their lawns, etc. Each one of them waved, and it was a great feeling. Entering the park, there were the usual baseball players, and some soccer players. Oh, and some shirtless volleyball players, but frankly, I was too focused on not dying while I ran to care. The Captain is a lucky man to be married to a girl with tunnel vision. ;)

I ran the first run, and the second, without a hitch. During each of the three loops (THREE LOOPS!!) around the park, I ran by two separate ladies who were dressed to the nines in jogging gear, with their hair styled in bouffants (both of them. not kidding.) with tendrils (to exhibit potential exhaustion?) gracing their cheekbones. Both of them, individually walked very slowly, and while I could be critical, at least they were moving! Good for them! But I must confess, it was good for a smile. Real running isn't pretty. At least on me.

At the end of the third run it happened again. My foot went numb. This time, my foot only went numb, and not the rest of my leg. That was a relief. However, knowing that it wasn't my laces, I am sure bothered by this. Especially being doctorless and insurance-less. hmmm...

I continued to run, not wanting a repeat of Tuesday. It was strange not feeling my foot. Instead of the impact on the ground, it felt like *thud thud thud* with each running step. I made it the third loop around, and got a high five from a fella driving his boat out. It was fun. And motivating to keep running!

I did take two unscheduled walks, and I timed them. One in the 3rd run for one and a half minutes(when I realized my foot was numb, and was deciding what to do), and one for about 45 seconds in run 4.

Oddly, toward the end of my run, I couldn't believe two things: How long it felt and that I did it!

Over the course of the run, the numbness went up into my shin, and then back down to my foot, and finally nearly gone, by the time I went home. I confess I was proud of myself for continuing, and hope I didn't make myself worse.

I enjoyed today, primarily because it was a trip to be running so much farther than last week, but also because of the people watching. My imaginary audience was good to me today.

I can't wait to go out on Saturday. I want to see if I can do it, with no walk breaks! And preferably, no weird foot issue...

A New Goal: Bridge to 10K ... Day 1.1

I have dreaded writing this blog. In fact, I'd like to just call it good with that sentence. But I will tell you more.

Tuesday I ran the first run of Bridge to 10K (B210K is how I will abbreviate). It is back to intermittent runs, which is just fine, since it's getting your endurance to an even greater level than Couch to 5K. The goal is to run 10K in an hour. I'm excited! After this, I'm training for a Half! B210K is only 6 weeks long, and should be completed by Labor Day!

I knew I could do this. I have been running, and much more confident about running, for a while now.

I hauled my three children to the grade school track, and let them play in the grass in the middle of the track. I ran into a friend (not literally) and realized that I really had to show my worth by doing the run RIGHT. I was walking the warmup, and my feet felt like lead. It was awful. My first run came, and I just didn't feel it. I realized I would be pushing myself through the entire 53 minute run. (5 minute warm up, 10 minute run, 1 minute walk, repeat the 10/1 3 more times, and then 5 minute cool down.) I ran and ran and ran. It frankly was all going well.

I had my new earbuds, from Skull Candy, and the left one is just a hair too big, but I'll deal. It's amazing the difference fitting earbuds make! WOW!

It was rather uneventful, except for trying to get Lambie down from the tree she climbed, while I ran. And reassuring Bear that he's awesome, even though he didn't complete the two-lap run with me that he wanted to do.

Then a good way into the third run (so about 30 minutes into my 53 minutes), my left leg went completely numb. I remember exactly where I was when it happened, it was a very quick transformation. I knew I had to stop, immediately. As I was walking back to the start, it got to the point I actually had to focus on making my leg work. It was awful. It lasted a couple of hours too, slowly returning to normal.

Looking it up, it was apparently either a pinched nerve in my back (SCARY), or laces tied too tightly (PATHETIC).

While I would feel sheepish about tying my laces to tight - likely since I paid extra care that morning - I would so much rather have it be a temporary issue!

Now, today is Thursday, and it's nearing time for my run. Week 1 Day 2. I am scared. I am scared I will be a disaster. I am scared all I can do is 5K, and I am NOT the runner I thought I was.

I guess we'll see. I am running in the evening, which is never a good thing for me. I need to get the negative thoughts out of my head!

The Ol' Girl On Campus

Recently I had an "a-ha" moment that if I was going to have a "better" life, it was going to be up to me. I know you all are so thankful for the opportunity to follow me on yet another emotional, life-altering journey.

In my previous life I had attended college, but neglected to finish for a few reasons. I started to go into why... and deleted it all. Too much drama! And really, who likes drama? Not this girl! At any rate, I am WELL into my Bachelor's Degree. In Geophysics.

After indulging (haha) myself in single-motherhood, and trying to find and maintain a job suitable to raise a family (despite my truly awesome resume) in the dregs of the economy, I found the NEED to return to school.

But do I do Geophysics, or do I do Photography, following my business I've worked successfully for several years?

Newly married to an incredible support (The Captain, obviously), and post-baby, I knew that the time for schooling was imminent, but I still didn't know what to do.

Then one morning at 3am, I sat upright with a clear understanding that I needed to do photography because I see the world differently than others do, and it is my purpose to reveal it to others. Don't get me wrong, I am self-conscious about my work, and have my doubts, but perhaps schooling will fill in where I lack...

Fast-forward to TODAY.

The University of Oregon loves to play on their "Duck" mascot. Especially lately. And while I've been a fan all of my life, I think some if it is a weeeee bit overboard. Today I went to an introDUCKtion. har har har.

Bear and Lambie were watched today by my friend-to-the-rescue-thank-goodness, SC. Peach and I drove the 1 1/2 hours down to Eugene, and entered the orientation hall. And there I realized it. I. WAS. SO. OLD. I am that person! You know, those slightly whack middle-ish aged ladies who raised their kids and decided to go back to school, and somehow know everything, for real, so you think they should get an honorary degree, but you really hope that since they can't, that they'll at least do REALLY well, so they can get a great job for the, what, 10 YEARS they'll be in the workforce before they have to retire... okay, maybe 15 years...??? Yes, I am that person.

I sat down with my wee babe, in front of a young couple... I saw a few people my age, or a little older, and then realized they were with their kids, who would be attending with me. Sigh...

Over the course of the day, I was almost dismissed from my workshop group because Peach had an increasing whimper because she wanted to nurse. -Luckily I brought my cover- As I spoke with financial aid, and learned so much, Peach began to cry, and I held her, discovering later that the Diaper of Doom had spread onto my shirt sleeve. I cleaned us both off (I called my husband to almost cry), and rolled up my sleeves.

I got my photo ID and got my handprint scanned for cardless entry into the gym/rec center. This was area number three, where I was looked at funny and was asked, "Are you a...student?" or "are you interested in this resource, or are you asking for someone else?"

hm....

I got so much done, though! And stayed cheery!

At one point I needed to go to the hall of my major department, and when I saw the distance I said, "OH WOW!" and the spry young chicken showing me the map said, "I know! It's really close!" hahaha. hmmm...

Peach and I enjoyed lunch, which is now HEALTHY and KOSHER and ORGANIC! When did college lunches get healthy? I had a full tray that had probably less calories than my 4 oz of Dr Pepper. But I loved it. And so did Peach! She had edamame, a slice of watermelon, pineapple, tomatoes, bread, corn, and green beans! Amazing. And we ate alone. Around us were bunches of transfer students meeting and greeting and eating together. I used to be them. But truly, I couldn't have picked a better lunch partner. I don't think any other person I know would have clapped every time I fed them a bite of watermelon.

I enjoyed visiting with the staff, who were more my age. And one of them gave Peach a cowboy rubber ducky, which she enjoyed very much. I didn't mind when one of the academic advisors told me of scholarships and services I probably qualify for because I'm not a "traditional" student. It made me chuckle to myself that the current college students working at the orientation would talk a little slower, or more animated, like they were entertaining the ol' girl.

I struggled with my schedule, being so late into the registration, but I am excited. I am excited that I was able to get SO much done before the term starts in two months. I am excited that almost all that's left of my degree is my major. I am excited that I've got my head on straight and have my act together.

My motivation is my family. I am not doing it to be social. I am not doing it for a NEED to be professional. I am not doing it because that's what you do when you're 20.... er... 30something. I regret that it's taken me so very long to get on the right page of life, but better now than later, right? One life, and I've wasted so many years. It is time for me to claim my life, and provide a great life and example for my children. Even if I am the ol' girl on campus and have nothing in common with anyone. It's two years of crazy commuting, homework, and nonsense. But I am going to rock it.

My Last Few Runs

I have fallen behind. I realize that running and planning and going on vacation at the same time does not allow much time for WRITING. It's a shame! There's a lot to say!

Briefly, week 8 day 3 went off without a hitch. I don't remember much... Maybe my running partner can refresh my mind?

Week 9 day 1 was the last week of Couch to 5K, and I had my first day of running 30 minutes straight. The goal was to run 5K in 40 minutes or less. This day my running partner, KNBO'R was running a very cool 5K in Davis, CA, and as she did for me July 4th, I ran "alongside" her. My time for 5K was around 45 minutes. This was surprising for me because it was about the same time as my 5K July 4th, and I walked much less. hmmm... I knew the next day would be better.

Week 9 day 2 and 3 were on a treadmill on Level 3 of the Hyatt Regency in Anaheim! Day 2 was awesome, and the 30 minutes of running went so well, and "easy", and I felt I could run forever! There was a hot running thing on the treadmill in front of me, and I had to remind myself to not let it bother me because she's probably been running for years, right? RIGHT? I appreciate the air conditioned room, filtered water and cold, damp towels available. And I got a thank you from other gym patrons when I was the only person who wiped down the treadmill.

The completion of Couch to 5K went without fanfare, and almost... Well, I wasn't impressed. I was still not quite at 5K within 40 minutes. Feeling graduated because I WAS RUNNING the entire allotted time, I was genuinely okay with it all. However, for me, I felt like the program was to train me to run 5K under 40 minutes. Not 4.8K.

Saturday, after returning and healing from vacation, I ran a bonus run, using my plotted 5K, and running my heart out. Honestly, it was a TERRIBLE run. I didn't run the entire time. My head was messing with me. I felt AWFUL. I felt I couldn't do it. I was frustrated and forlorn. I felt like a failure. But I really wanted to do this! I ended up running through the 5 minute cool down in order to make up time. With that, I did 5K in a hair under 41 minutes. I am a runner.

Despite the odds, I finished. I did what I set out to do. This means that I will run a 10K in an hour. It means I will run a Half Marathon in 3:30 or less and not get swept. It means I will finish college. It means I will do great things in my life because I can accomplish small goals that lead into larger goals.

Monday I begin Bridge to 10K. Who wants to join me for my journey?

The Coughing Girl

It is amazing how simply looking at this picture, I gag a little.

I have so much to say about finishing Couch to 5K (I have about 5 runs to blog!), and a trip to Disneyland! But all that seems to consume my mind is the onslaught of doctor's appointments this week.

Tomorrow, Monday, there are FOUR. Tuesday there is one, and then a pack meeting. Wednesday is something important... why can't I remember? Thursday The Captain is golfing, and then I get ME time! (THANK YOU!) Friday I have two appointments.

This week Bear does Occupational Therapy and most likely begins medication for anxiety. It makes me want to cry, but I won't. This week we learn if Peach will have surgery on her eyes, or perhaps corrective lenses, or patches - or nothing. This week we will learn if Lambie is getting her tonsils out. The poor girl is talking funny, coughing all night long, hardly sleeping, has had strep (or strep like colds) for the last two months, and has been on antibiotics for 10 days... I wish I could help her. I know the relief that will come from the surgery, but I wish she didn't have to go through it. I am concerned with the timing and school starting up.

Do all three children have to have so much going on at once? Why can't they be orderly and take turns? You'd think they were ants on honey the way they are with health issues.

Oh yes, Wednesday. I'm going to Eugene for orientation at the UofO for classes, for me, starting in two months.

Weeks like this, I hold onto the stability I have in my life - all that is constant. I am thankful for it.

Pit Stop or Workout #6 for July

I have spent my entire day not wanting to write this. However, I have maintained my accountability, and intend to continue this honest journal of events. I wish it were more glamorous.

I dropped Bear off for Cub Scout Day Camp early this morning. Today would be a track day, but Lambie insisted that she would ride Bear's bike, since he was gone. After dropping off Bear, Lambie pulled out the bike, we did a little tune up, I contemplated my lack of tools in spite of my husband's profession, and we were on our way.

I told her the good news: I would just be running, so she could continuously ride her bike. I had lovely visions of today. I was running week 8 day 2 of Couch to 5K. I would run for 28 minutes, with a five minute warm up and cool down. I had pre-mapped a 2.75 mile goal. It was all terrific.

About a mile in, a pedal came off. NOT AGAIN. This happened last time she rode the bike! What is happening??? I put the pedal back on, easily forgiving the pause (I paused the timer and music), and we returned to running. It was only the beginning.

With each subsequent stop, I jogged in place when I could, and became really fast when replacing pedals or training wheels. I kept my mood light because with each stop, I thought of Luigi from "Cars" and his "Pit Stop!" Also, it helped that I'd already done a successful 28 minute run just three days prior. I knew I could do it.

Wednesday WILL be a track day. I'll bring bubbles. 38 minutes worth of bubbles.

Lambie helped me count... We lost pedal(s) five times, training wheels twice, and stopped for the port-a-john once, but technically twice, since the first one we encountered was missing TP, so we had to run 1/4 mile to the next one... Eight stops. Sigh.

It could have been a better day. I wished I could have a do-over (without bike issues), but that's what Wednesday is for. Tomorrow, I think we'll walk to the church and library. Lambie wants to drive her Barbie motorized Jeep. Heaven forbid that breaks down 2 miles from home.... I would not handle that well...

Reflecting back to the run today, I am glad I stayed patient and forgiving. I told Lambie she was balancing well with the training wheels off, and it made her want to try harder. And home was a sweet destination.

Before and After the Asperger's Diagnosis

This weekend I got to experience the feeling of being what Lambie now calls "The Big Mama Chicken" thanks to comparing a hen and her baby chicks (the hen doesn't like her babies messed with) at The Country Mouse's home today, to me.

This weekend, an elderly woman kept telling Bear to look at her when she's talking to him, and my heart broke a little, because I knew he was really listening since he wasn't allowing himself to be distracted by watching her face. I heard someone talk to him as though he was "slow", asking him if he understood what "milk" was and what it meant to "freeze" something. (The chances that the first person reads this is nil, the second, very very unlikely.) And others... Just writing it out makes my heart ache. I don't want my man cub treated differently. So I am going to tell you a little about my Bear, before, and after. Maybe it will help. Especially those of you who love him so dearly.

Before you knew he had Asperger's:
He was bright
He had a killer vocabulary
He was obsessed with Lego's
He was gentle and kind
He was kind of silly
He loved babies which was really sweet
He was safe and careful
He was honest
He chewed on his shirt
He cried easily
He liked hugs
He wasn't good at sports, but sure liked them
He loved math and being surrounded by friends
He liked frogs and snakes
He kept his room tidy
He loved making people laugh
He was a good swimmer, but not a thrill seeker
He was a smart kid
He wasn't a troublemaker
He understood you when you talked normal, at normal pace, unless it's figurative, and then...
He would ask you what words or phrases meant
He wouldn't look you in the eye when he was talking to you
He would have major tantrums, usually in the comforts of home
He would get overwhelmed and zone out
He would remember everything
He needed to have a predictable schedule
He needed to be coached ahead of time, when there was a social situation
He was not retarded
He had the most admirable integrity and loyalty

Now that you know he has Asperger's:
He is bright
He has a killer vocabulary
He is obsessed with Lego's
He is gentle and kind
He is kind of silly
He loves babies which is really sweet
He is safe and careful
He is honest
He chews on his shirt
He cries easily
He likes hugs
He isn't good at sports, but sure likes them
He loves math and being surrounded by friends
He likes frogs and snakes
He keeps his room tidy
He loves making people laugh
He is a good swimmer, but not a thrill seeker
He is a smart kid
He isn't a troublemaker
He understands you when you talk normal, at normal pace, unless it's figurative, and then...
He asks you what words or phrases mean
He won't look you in the eye when he is talking to you
He will have major tantrums, usually in the comforts of home
He will get overwhelmed and zone out
He will remember everything
He needs to have a predictable schedule
He needs to be coached ahead of time, when there is a social situation
He is not retarded
He has the most admirable integrity and loyalty


This is not directed at anyone, so do not worry. I just know that I have been guilty of treating a child differently when I learned of an Asperger's/Autism diagnosis, rather than getting to know the kid. So maybe it helps if I tell you what he's like... ???

Treat him like you always have... But if you want to help... guide him in social situations, and treat him with patience when he's "acting up", if you would... It's all I ask. He thinks he's like any other kid, and blends in well, and I want him to maintain that confidence. It could save his life someday.



Art: Look Me in the Eye by Green Rhapsody

My Old Fashioned Summer or Workout #5

I think the older I get the more I find we have the same types of experiences over and over and over and over again to learn from them, love them, recount precious memories, and teach them. I have noticed so much this summer that while I am lamenting the loss of the simpleness of my youth, in comparison to my children's, theirs is actually fairly simple too.

I know because of the situation they are in, it is not the easiest of childhoods, but I also know they have the same opportunities I did, for a simple, sweet childhood. Magic shows, puppet shows, walks to the park, homemade Popsicles, "big" trips to the coast, tents in the living room, library trips... It doesn't have to be big and contrived to be lovely.

My run today was Week 8, Day 1 of Couch to 5K. With week 8 you run 28 minutes without stopping, after a five minute warmup walk and flanked by a five minute cool down walk. I confess I was nervous. I had only run non-stop this last Wednesday and it took all I could to do that.

I started heading to the park, and toward the end of my warm up walk, there sat a young boy with his lemonade stand. "Ma'am, would you like some zucchini bread and lemonade?" I will be back to support the young entrepreneur! I know it's a big effort to get that organized, at his age. I remember...

The prompt came to run, and I did just that. I ran. I ran and ran. My legs started to hurt (specifically the backs of my legs, oy vey). I ran up the incline, and it wasn't as hard as it used to be. I made it to where the usual "halfway" prompt comes, and it didn't come. I wondered if I'd accidentally paused my program. I kept running. Today's run was both longer, and my pace was faster. I ran the entire loop of the park, and debated running its bigness again. I decided not to. I was afraid of frustrating myself. I exited the park, and decided to retrace some steps.

Sometimes it's good to do the things you've done before. Sometimes they are sweeter than you recall.

I ran the cul-de-sacs in the neighborhood. These were the same cul-de-sacs that I ran when I first started the program a couple of months ago. They were perfect for making the goals I needed to. Today I was essentially killing time. I didn't know how long my run was. Just that I needed to keep running. I stayed on the street, knowing the everyone still left things out on the sidewalk, including the big pile of rocks (I'm about ready to help spread the rocks). Each cul-de-sac seemed to pass by so quickly. It was good to retrace these steps of not so long ago, to see how much progress I've made. I loved it.

I ran back by the lemonade stand and the mother of the boy said, "Well done! Keep going!" Which was AMAZING. I had no idea how it would propel me. I ran past the stand, down another cul-de-sac, around the corner with the stop sign, down past my home, and then my cool down came.

When I plugged it into Map My Run I had gone 2.5 miles exactly. I am SO EXCITED. I'm excited to go faster. I'm excited to go farther.

A few months ago, I asked my friend, JN who just completed a half marathon and is as postpartum as I am, how long before she liked running. She said six weeks. I could do six weeks. Well, it's been ten weeks for me, and today, I like running. I think it's important for me to be able to run constantly. It has done amazing things for my psyche. I am excited for Monday, and Wednesday, and the next Friday. I am excited to be moving onward and upward.

I am glad that I have this chance in my life to do this. I have learned so much. I have overcome so much. More than most people realize. I am becoming myself because I wasn't afraid to try again after failing and failing and failing. I will fail again, but today I will remember to always try again.

The Lucky Penny or Workout #4 for July

This morning I woke up at a good time to go running nice and early, before temps started increasing. But my running partner, Miss Peach, was still sleeping... I called my therapist/sister ES to talk about college stuff that's stressing me out, and she brought me back to reality. It was good. After dilly dallying as long as I could, I decided to just wake the babe.

I forgot I broke my earbuds. ughhhhhhhhhh......

Today was week 7 day 3 of Couch to 5K, or the last chance to run 25 minutes without stopping. I had not yet been able to do this, whether it was a physical or a mental impasse. I wasn't sure of my ability, but I wanted to give it my all. I did my warm up, moving the location, to keep my run feeling "short".

I left thinking, "I will take a walk break after I return home." Which shortened to "I will take a break at the stop sign." And again "I will take a break at the halfway mark." Sigh...

I arrived at the park, the daunting incline before me. I decided I would run to the top and assess my feeling. I was fine, so I kept running. The halfway prompt came, and I ran right through it, not even tempted to stop. Shortly after, I wanted to stop. In my head I thought, "No! If I start now, I'll take breaks too often, and it doesn't do anything but frustrate me at the end." So I kept running. And with each desire to stop, I thought a simple "No." Or "It's not time yet."

By the time I left the park, and was heading home, I realized I wasn't going to stop at all, even though, while I didn't realize it, I probably still had seven minutes left, or more. Instead of stopping to walk, I would decrease my already snail's pace, to something probably slower than walking, but I kept "running". Naturally it returned to my set pace.

I didn't notice when I passed the stop sign. It was only when I was approaching home, I started saying "Uncle". I decided I would run to the end of the cul-de-sac and assess how I felt.

And then I saw it, a shiny penny.

Now, this might sound odd, but just Monday, my dad told me a story of a marathon runner who was trying out for the Olympics, and while he ran he always stopped to pick up coins. When the Olympic trials were happening, he saw 2 quarters off to the side. Stopping to pick them up cost him qualification to enter the Olympics.

I thought of this as I saw the penny. I could stop to pick it up, but it would require me to stop. I was so close to my goal. It's funny what the nagging voice in your head can try to convince you to do. I had to convince myself that the penny would still be there when I looped back around. And it was JUST A PENNY. It wasn't a $100 bill. haha. It was hard to run past, but I did, thinking of my dad's timely story. (Thank you, Dad!)

I got to the end of the cul-de-sac, frustrated there was not a "one minute left" prompt yet! And then it came. I was too tired to run harder that last minute, like I usually do, so I kept going at my current rate. And I finished. I ran 25 minutes. Straight. I have never run 25 minutes intentionally, before. As I once again approached the penny, I passed it by, needing to do my cooldown, in a much better mental state than I had been.

Upon completion of the workout and cooldown, I went back and picked up the penny. It wasn't as shiny as I thought it was. The year? 2007. The year I changed my life. The year I started reclaiming myself. I am where I am now because of choices I made that year. I was running today because of choices I made that year.

I think I'll keep the penny.