I *should* have run yesterday. It was only Peach and I, but I was having a hard day. The day prior was horrible. There is no other way to describe it, and it is not an exaggeration.
I hate days like that. I think of when I worked at a bistro, as a young adult, and a coworker, T, said, "You have to make sure that the lipstick marks come off of the mugs. We don't need men to have another reason to hate us." Oh, what care we take in make sure men don't hate us... Yet, and this is my bitter self talking, what do men do to make sure we don't hate them? I fear I do not have a good track record with men. I have been in abusive relationships. Cheating (no, I don't mean kiss another girl while we're dating. But that's happened too.) relationships. Lies, pain, etc etc. I have seen good men fall. I have thought the line from Star Wars III many times in regards to previously good men, "You were supposed to be the chosen one!" Why oh why can't men live up to themselves? Forget expectations! Be the man you said you'd be. Be the person you are.
Two days ago, I had THREE men close to me do negative things of different severity that greatly impacted my being. Friday my mom encouraged me to go running, knowing how cathartic it is for me, and how healing. I didn't. Sorry Mom. Usually I listen to my mom. I swear I do.
I ran Saturday instead. I ran and I ran. I thought and I thought. I ran and ran and ran. And at one point my thoughts turned to my running, and I realized I was booking it! I mean, really, I was hauling booty down the trail! I wasn't feeling bad, so I kept it up. And I thought. I was mad. I was hurt. I was done. I wondered why men wonder why there are "angry chicks" in the world. I will tell you sometimes it takes a conscious effort to forgive the few good for all of the wrong doings of the used-to-be-good and the always-bad men.
I don't want to be a "maneater". I really know some wonderful men in the world. As I ran I thought of those wonderful men, and wondered if they had secret problems, obsessions, selfish behaviors. I wondered if there are really any good men left. I know there are. I know there must be. At least 85...
I ran all of my frustration out. I don't even know how many laps I did around the park. But I think five??? I remember passing by the soccer goals wondering if anyone ever used them. The next loop, I saw a man out there, pulling them to the field. (!) Then the next loop I saw him talking to a buddy. Another loop the buddy was drawing chalk lines on the field. Another loop they both were measuring the chalk lines. That's five right? I'm not even sure. I went ahead and ran out of the park, and onto the street. I had to be near done. I wasn't even paying attention. I ran down a cul-de-sac, something I hadn't done in a while, then another, another, another. I got a prompt I had 10 minutes left. I ran toward home, breezing by. I ran down the street of the homes of the river, and back. And THEN it said to cool down. WOW.
My distance was 6.06 miles.
I've decided when it's time for the Half Marathon, I need someone to be really awful to me the day prior, so I can run out the nasty. haha.
P.S. Don't worry about my man-rant. My trust may have weakened, but I know that so much of the good in the world has been from the hands of good men. I just need to rebuild trust... And forgive them when they leave lipstick on coffee mugs.
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