My Imaginary Audience or Workout #17 for June

I gave Peach hummus for dinner last night. Every 30-45 minutes, throughout the night, she cried, screamed, whimpered... I hardly slept. The Captain, who had to drive to Seattle today for work also hardly slept. When my alarm sounded at 6:30AM I dutifully shut if off, and tried to eek out another bout of sleep. At 7:30AM I realized if I wanted to be on time to visit SC and ML, I needed to get ready NOW. This meant no running. Why can't I be reasonable at 6:30AM?

Visiting was awesome, and I went home realizing that if I ran at noon, EVERYONE would see me. Why? Because it was summer, which means EVERYONE is out. And if EVERYONE is out, EVERYONE is watching me as I run by. Which, as I explained to my sister, ES, wouldn't be a problem if I was hot and showing off. But no, I have bouncy parts. I open and close my mouth like a fish out of water. My cheeks flush like a smoker in the winter. And I sweat like a... I sweat a lot. Then I remembered the quote "If you left when you first thought about it, you'd be back by now." I put on my brave-I-don't-care-what-you-all-think face, and left.

I plotted out 2 1/2 miles, knowing if I ran the two, 10 minute segments, with the 5 minute warm up, cool down, and mid-run walk, that should equal that distance.

On the way there, I saw the kayak people in all their muscular hotness washing down their kayaks.

And that was it.

At the park there were three ladies strolling a very very slow stroll, a man pushing his son in a swing while he stayed occupied on his phone, and a tennis camp of kids. That was it. The cooler day didn't bring as many people as the hundreds that flocked to the park yesterday. Phew!

I was running along, and discovered something. No one really cares. I might earn a passing glance, but no one really is thinking, "Geezum, Woman. Keep running, you need it. Listen to that squeaky stroller. Look how slow you are! Why are you wearing a JACKET? Are you new to running?" No, no one really ever says those things, and I doubt anyone thinks them... if they are it's fleeting, and they are probably miserable. So I continued to run.

The second run did not go as perfectly as the first for several reasons: First, I got a major stitch in my side. I need to learn what causes those and never do it again. I wore my thick running jacket to hold my iPhone, and it was warm and muggy. I need to get an armband... I was dehydrated. I had a big lunch before I left. But really, the side pain was grueling. I pushed myself as hard as I could, but there was a lot of mini stops and walks, so I will be redoing 6.2 of Couch to 5K on Friday.

Then, off in the distance I saw two men in the otherwise vacant roadway, along my running path. They were both sitting there, and I thought, "Ah crud. I don't want to run by two men just sitting there in their chairs. They are probably waiting for the appropriate time to heckle the poor running girl."

And then I got closer.

And realized I worry WAY TO MUCH about this imaginary audience. Of the two men, one was in a wheelchair. The other was teaching him how to push himself further in his wheelchair, strengthening his endurance. I almost cried.

Instead I decided to run.

I ran because I could. I ran because he couldn't, but may crave it. I ran because he might miss running the bases at a baseball game, or chasing after his kids. I ran because the only thing stopping me was my mind. I had to push myself beyond my pain, and finish my run.

The moments of walking made my running distance shorter, so I had further to go to get home, than my workout time permitted.

I did it, but not well. I look forward to doing it again Friday, because I will be strong enough.

My motivation today? I don't want Peach to ever know me as unfit. But mainly I ran today because I could.